Last week I called my Colorectal Surgical Doctor (yes I have one of those) because this damn anal fissure hasn't healed. I'm SO tired of having bowel movements that result in me saying "f*ck and jesus" accompanied by foot stomping and sometimes tears. Yes I'm sharing my dark inner secrets, but if you've ever had one of these buggers you know the pain and if you know someone that has one you can feel empathy for them.
Today I saw Dr. Lange... and after bending over the exam table with my black pants at my ankles [bet you're glad it's me not you] I had a quick lesson in what a lateral internal sphincterotomy entails. [again bet you're glad it's me not you] I'm on the books for surgery tomorrow. I'll spare you the specifics but I will tell you it involves general anesthesia and I'm not a big fan of going under unless I have to. Apparently our bootie has lots of nerve endings and requires more than a local to get through the surgery. #oyvey
I'm also a bit concerned about the side effects of the surgery as it may cause me to lose a bit of control of my gas. [I best learn how to pretend it wasn't me or to always stand by the old guy in the elevator.]