krista colvin's [putting on my big girl panties + kicking breast cancer in the ass]

side effects

the chemo side effects are here... #myshoesmyweek

cleaned my nose + got another bloody nose.

woke up early- so i took the dog for a walk.

got irritated- went outside to get some fresh air.

noticed my toes felt numb- so i went for a long walk.

my body was cold- i put on my beanie.

my nose was clogged- i did the neti.

my bod felt barfy- i took a med.

my taste buds were waning- so i added more salt

my body was tired- i took a nap.

my tongue felt yucky- i hate a piece of chocolate.

my bm's are painful- #godhonesttruth

lunch was bland- but i ate it all hoping it would 'get better'.

my head itched- i combed out the deserters.

my head was hot- i took off my hat.

coughed a yucky cough- so i drank more water.

my parents were worried- i went to go see them.

went through airport security- felt embarrassed to take off my hat.

worried about how i looked- bought more new hats

felt like nesting- bought a new couch.

wanted to be healthy- bought pounds of fresh produce

fell asleep watching tv- wait, i always do that.

"total smackdown" "total breakdown"

Today I had another MRI... and how I managed to fall asleep amongst the banging and clangy is beyond me.... at least I think I shaved my armpits this time around however I still forgot to apologize for the last visit .... *oopsy*

This evening the radiologist called with some fabulous news! She used words like "total Smackdown"! But was does that really mean to me.... can't wait to see how dr. Kolibaba fills me. I replied to the radiologist that now I didn't even mind losing 1 hair for every dead cancer cell. She let me know that I had millions of cancer cells and 10,000 dead cancer cells to one little ol' hair was more the in the range. #f'nAwhoneedsthosehairs!

And a night + morning after....

Dr. K told me although the words Smack Down are not medical... but that the radiologist only uses them when she means it! SO my cancer is meeeeellllllllting like the wicked witch she is. The nodes are also back to normal size. #GOnodesGOnodesGO

This info is all good but no treatment game changer. Breast cancer cells like to lurk + then nest. Sounds like my family looking at 'good real estate' over the past 30 years... but we never really settle for a new nest. We just cozied up the old one.

SEE my cancer doesn't have ANY relation to my family line!

Annnnnd speaking of family. Here on my best-est of news days, my male kidlet had a big break down when I mentioned my boobs would go. Pushed him right over the edge. Hubby cuddled him, then he asked for me to cuddle him, read a book, and take a bath. #likethesafesecureolddays Of course I did, we cuddled + chatted, + I whispered to him that mommy is strong when he said 'why does this have to happen to you". Tears flowed.

ANNNND speaking of family. I'm headed solo to see my mom + dad tomorrow. I haven't seen them yet since the big announcement last month. It's odd to be the 'sick one'... typically it's my dad up to some 9-live shenanigans... but I guess at Thanksgiving someone tagged me when I wasn't looking and said "you're it". Time to take one for the Simor fam. I will take my turn and show them the youngest Simor kidlet has super powers that I've never shown them. Wonder now if they'll listen up when it's my turn to share a story at the Thanksgiving table #cancerbenefit #youngestof3extroverts

So warm up the coffee mama, papa turn down the G.D. Fox News... we've got some yohsa [german sp may be off (afternoon pastries) to eat + chat over.

Here's to sister krista that's with us tonight....

so die little cancer cell, die little cancer cell, die little cancer cell that messed with me tonight.

hair hair everywhere there's hair

Hair in the shower, hair in the sink, hair on my cell phone. Hair on my brush, hair on my back, hair on every knick knack paddy wack.

But I draw the line... it's not on my pillow, it's not between the sheets, it's not going to wake me up... I'm going to sleep.

Yes, it's me in my 'kerchief' and I in my cap... all nestled in for a breast cancer nap.

#whymustitrytorhyme #psthe'roidskickedintoday #goingtobednow....

barbara

Who knew workin' out would lead to warm bath that would lead to finding a lump that would turn out to be cancer. And here I thought I was just going to be able to fit into my snug pants.

my work out chicas: amy, lynn, + casey my ass kicking trainer

I never liked working out... cheerleading- yes :)  #likeit'sanysurpriseisportedpompoms

I hadn't really worked out in 10 years, yes I walk but actually class fitness or weights, or weight loss schemes lasted about 2 weeks and I was over it.But then one night over cocktails at Casey's house for Amy's birthday... I committed myself to helping Casey build her website + figuring out facebook. That in turn lead to her committing to training me and these tweets followed:

told hubby i'm going to work w/ a personal trainer...he may have keeled over in Fred Meyer's-if you see him kindly help him off the floor

i may have been dreaming but i'm pretty sure i'm meeting my 'future' bleacher butt kickin' new personal trainer for coffee today

So now, all kidding a side... my workouts have turned into my cancer ass-kicking sessions. I'm on a mission to get strong. Strong so that I can handle the hard core round 2 chemo that starts in June. Strong for surgery. Strong for radiation. Strong for the long haul.

And "Barbara"- she's the bitch of a workout [known as consecutive rounds of 20 burpees, 30 push-ups, 40 sit ups, 50 squats] that led me to the tub soak, that lead me to the lump. I don't hate that biotch anymore... she was just helping me get the strong thing goin'.

fake betty

I'm not quite sure what i've told you + what I haven't.... There are so many paths I travel in one day that sometimes you get the whoa-is-me post but 10 minutes later all is back to 'normal'.

It's Sunday night... we've had a mellow weekend. But Friday- Friday was a doozy of emotions. My last post told you how my day started off. Here's what followed.

In fact I'll just skip to the end because I'm tired + I'll fill in the blanks later.

[blanks include chatting with an ol' friend, meal making with my girlfriends, coffee + wig planning, panic, girlfriends handling kidlet details, quick stop at the school. and speeding into portland.]

Meet Betty. Fake Betty. 

 Why hello fake betty...

I hadn't planned on meeting betty today. But the hair shedding through me into a tizzy that I hadn't expected. WAAAAAAAY more emotional about the 'it's just hair' thing than I imagined. I now wanted to scream to all the well meaning "it's only hair comments' [which includes me by the way]... "But it's my fucking hair" and the Brazilian comments... "ummm yeah, do I LOOK like I give a shit about having my hoochie stripped naked like a barbie doll or a child"  along with "I wear a swim skirt for crying aloud- no need to wax the hell out of my private area". #excusemylanguage #whyholdback

Fake Betty is synthetic. Real Betty is on order. Yes I splurged... it's my f*cking hair remember ;) When I sat in the  hairdresser chair Brenda took one look at me + said I've got the perfect thing... and out came Fake Betty. Bobbed + ready to rock it.  My daughter was with me[after pulling her out of school 15 minutes early as a surprise- to actually both of us because Brenda got me in last appt of the day before heading out of town for a week] 
I sighed and made the remark to Brenda that there must of been so many women in this chair that have breathed a a sigh of relief.

I was no longer completely freaked out about losing my hair. I now had the Betties.

*more betty pictures later...
*more on my girlfriends cookin' up meals for me
*more on crazy mom tears into school office in a panic

 

 

chemo number four

chemo number four... reminds me of mambo number five. surreal that tomorrow i'm headed into my 4th treatment. i'm not scared, because it's not scary. i'll be picked up at 8:30am by my chica lara blair, we'll grab a latte, head to chemo. like's it a normal day. about noon kim, another fabu chica will arrive with lunch, we'll twitter + blog then pack up around 2pm and head back to our families.

what's scary is that the chemo treatments haven't been bad. some side effects, but nothing major. i'm not stoic. i know it's going to get harder. but when i don't know. will it just smack me in the face, blindside me... will it slowly creep up on me as all the small side effects just compound- like the tumor itself?

i'm not stoic. i'm sensible. maybe. i'm not quite sure if it's sensible or naive.

 

SOME TREATMENT DETAILS

I.    Chemo round I: [Taxol + Herceptin] will be weekly for 12 weeks *some side effects
II.   Chemo round II: [FEC = 5FU + Epirubicin + Cytoxan] given every 3 weeks for a 12 week period [this round will be the tough one, the one w/the side effects... including hair loss.]

III.   Surgery [double mastectomy]

IV.   6 weeks of daily Radiation.

V.    Herceptin [via IV] alone every 21 days to complete one year.

unchartered waters

It isn't just about me...
 

 It's about us.

Who knows exactly how this will affect my kids... I can tell you now that the first month, which I've dubbed the diagnosis month, is much different from this month, which I've dubbed treatment. The flurry of activity ranging from phone calls to flowers to last minute 'play dates' [so that mommy can go to another doctor appointment] affected them. They noticed. Of course they did. That's what kids do. 

They observe.

They react.

 

They rally.

Just like my family, girlfriends, neighbors, facebook friends, twitter community, colleagues, former students,  + community have.

Because it's not about me, it's about us.
 

white picket fences

 

orcas island, washington [san juan islands]

I'm on a fabulous lil' get-away with my family... but today I had a chance to sneak off + have a lil' me time. I'm a sucker for white picket fences. Shouldn't we all have a white-picket moment or two or three in our lives.

Happy Spring. Happy Easter. Happy lil' Time to Yourself.

Thank you so very much for bringing so much spring to my journey, Krista
 

betty-beats-cancer meets the blip

Yesterday morning I was feeling all 'betty-beats-cancer'. I felt great. I talked with Janice, my AM Northwest producer, proclaimed "how can i have cancer, i don't feel like i have cancer'. #pureutterdenial

We chatted about upcoming segments and planned for the next 3 months, leaving summer as 'the unknown'. Unknown because it' summer and the kids are home + unknown because I'm sure by then I'll have tapped out all my neighbors to watch the kidlets, and unknown because I may look + feel like shit and not sure I want to be on live tv.

I also had a follow up appt. w/ Dr. Kilway, my surgeon, to look at the Power Port incision to see if the incision was healing properly. #whyYESbetty-beats-cancerITwasLOOKINGswell

I did some work, I ate some cookies that my neighbors Bob + Dee made me, well us, got the mail, opened the mail, put on my new necklace from Jeri Dansky (definitely more on this later) and took the kidlets to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid. See NORMAL mom stuff. Betty-beats-cancer-BS-everyday-stuff. #withgiftsbecausewhenyougetcancerpeoplesendyoufabulousthings #bonus

Then during the movies while I was picking popcorn pieces out of my bossom #babygotbust my phone was vibrating. Of course I ALWAYS check my phone and saw 3 calls- 2 being doctor numbers. OY.

I stepped outside the theater- cuz my kids are old enough now to do that... and listened to the radiologist say that the "stealth" biopsy from friday was postive. #BAMPOWZAP you'd think I was hearing I had cancer or something. So here I am in the dark empty theater hallway watching the guy put up a sign saying I can't use the bathroom because he's cleaning it... clean the hallway buddy- it's damn dreary while listening to medical voicemails. Diary of a mom.

This isn't bad news per say. I mean I already have cancer in that breast. It's the same kind of cancer "invasive ductal" but it's in a different quadrant. We may lump our breast into one big boobalicious mound, but science breaks it up into zones or quads. This means another part of my boob is trying to kill me. Go figure. Betty-beats-cancer has a fucking sister. Well she's a little bitch. She's a 'popcorn kernel' and that's really no match for the dragon-queen tumor weighing in at peach pit size (i think... i need to go get my peach pit-yes i have one stashed away...another story obviously)

That kernel may be the game changer. As in lumpectomy v. mastectomy. I'll chat with my oncologist as she's my go-to-gal for this journey. I need more info. AND I'm not sure why I'm so down about this news. I had already 'planned' on the mastectomy from about week 1 on... but then I got cocky. Figured this breast cancer thing was going to be a breeze, a blip. Didn't quite plan on this little bump feeling so big. I always say 'it's the lil' things that drive us crazy'. That if the little things are under control we can tackle the big ones. #Ihaveanentireblogaboutthat #theshebang

So... If you'd like to see how my day panned out play by play. I'm on TWITTER. I "tweet" lil' moments. I cut + pasted them here for you to see how my day went.
ps. don't be scared of twitter... it's just like passing notes in class.

HERE are my TWEETS starting from the waiting room:
ps. when you see an @ that means I am sending a tweet/note to that person. On twitter I am @kristacolvin. You can visit my page here: www.twitter.com/kristacolvin

Sipping on a hazelnut latte while I wait to see my surgeon for a post op appt. (power port for iv)

Still sipping on hazelnut latte but now sportin' cloth gown open in front #notashotasitsounds

Appt done... Went well- off to knock out Twitter party work for organize.com & get kidlets #falalalalifegoeson

@designmama   hugs received chica... send white cells if you have some ;) #badassmuthawhitecellhug

 

off to the movies with the kidlets... because i'm a mom and i have to. #naptime#popcorn

 

love @jeridansky@allisonstrine  http://tweetphoto.com/16354318   http://tweetphoto.com/16354359

 

@hchybinski   wimpy kid!

 

Damn. As I thought the stealth spot is also cancerous & located in a different quadrant of my breast #feistygirlsaretryingrealhardtokillme

 

@bruinlab   same kind different quad...

 

First bath since I found "the lump"... but took this soak with my daughter #talkedaboutthelump  #peachseed

 

The other day I did a twistory search... Needed to remind myself of how I tweeted before I got all cancerie... Or is it cancery ;)

 

Going to get kick my ass kicked in the am by my trainer then kick some cancer ass at chemo in the afternoon. #morescaredofworkoutthanchemo

 

@KathieLB   thanks chica... Just feeling a lil Debbie downerish tonight... I think a cookie may help me snap out of it ;)

 

@bruinlab   you'd think so but I haven't chatted w my oncologist yet- just radiologist #whoknows

 

@clementinenw   I was thrilled to see excellent- didn't see chubby written anywhere! ;)

@ProfOrganizer   9am pst :)

@clementinenwI   actually started to like working out and then thwapBAMpow & now i want to keep my health "excellent" yes my pw says that!

@Mary_Rarick   I'd hang out with her ;)

@TCreativeBlogs   kidlets down... Windows open- loving the sound of rain & frogs!

Apparently I should stop tweeting & get my kidlets in bed... Hearing the sounds of ice cream coming from the kitchen #taptaptap

More later... thanks for being my 'ear', my friend, my chicaritas.