krista colvin's [putting on my big girl panties + kicking breast cancer in the ass]

the new girls are coming...

As I sat in the plastic surgeon's waiting room I couldn't help but notice the division in the room. There were 3 women that were obviously there for the same reason I was. #theirheadscarves+wigsgavethemaway The other's I wasn't so sure...

I was there to schedule my breast reconstruction surgery... yes, I'll spend this years Breast Cancer Awareness month getting my new girls. Last year was spent removing them. They will no doubt be better, stronger, higher, tighter than the original girls. They come with history #isaidhistorynotbaggage They come with no nipples. [i'll get those tattooed on later]

I don't have anything against breast enhancements. But please do not confuse this surgery with optional boob jobs. I didn't want new girls. They are just the replacements. I won't shun them, or you if you have optional boobs... just mentally it isn't the same. I understand people when people whom don't know me just want to connect... I really do... but connecting over your boob job story or your botched booby job is no where near the same... it just isn't. #feltgoodtogetthatoffmychest #neitherischemotakingyourpubesequatetoabrazillion

My plastic surgeon gets it. He founded The Pink Lemonade Project as well as proposed a bill that will require physicians to provide information to clients. I was interviewed for this news segment along with my doctor, Dr. Gabriel. [fyi- it takes a minute to get to the segment] for the full news story click here

 

 

Dear John...

I received this email today... I've added my snarky comments for your entertainment ;)

Hi,
I would like to know if you would have an interest in purchasing this domain name (I found your contact information online and see that you own puttingonmybiggirlpanties.com correct?).
bestbraforsaggingbreasts.com #didyoujustsaysaggybreasts? can provide a SEO boost in this market, which includes leads that pay for themselves saving you advertising money #whatexactlydoyouthinkIamadvertising (advertisers are paying $1.14 per click for these exact keywords). It is also very simple to type in/remember; and can help improve, secure, and protect your web branding identity. The price for this domain is just $375. #areyoushittingme I am reaching out to other related businesses in the next few days, #heydidyousendthistomyothercancerchicasYoudumbass and this domain will go to the first company who replies. #yeahgoodluckwiththat

Thank you,
John

1040 Hosbrook Dr.
Cincinnati, OH 45236

I do my best to only send very targeted emails to people who I think will benefit from them. #doilooklikeihavesaggyboobs #iusedtohavesaggyboobs
If you feel that you received this email in error or would not like to receive any future opportunities:
http://bestbraforsaggingbreasts.com?did=5972397&hash=9194900e5a72abc809f4e8ed976e6c7e&u=1  #erroryouthink? #numbskull #dipwad #didyouEVENreadmyblogbanner

MY Reply...

Dear John,
I don't have breasts. I had a double mastectomy a year ago due to breast cancer.
 
In an effort to 'truly do your best to send targeted emails to people that may benefit from them'.. then I suggest you may want to consider me for domains containing the words "reconstruction" "yes they are fake, the real ones tried to kill me" etc.
 
Best Wishes,
Krista Colvin

last in the series...

The local paper has followed my cancer journey for the past 10 months. The last article in the series ran the day after Christmas... "Focusing on a good life beyond cancer" click here. 

The pictures are very telling, very forward, and an honest depiction of my journey. #fairwarning

The photos on my blog are the moments I can capture... the smiles, the hair shots, the friends. Troy, the photo editor for The Columbian, captures the truth. And I whole heartily support that...
even if the photos aren't the most flattering... because cancer isn't flattering. #butyoucanhaveacuteblogheader

This photo (by Troy Wayrynen) really sums up my physical journey. The port and mastectomy scars, the markings, the tattoos, the hair, the radiation laser and the grin and bare it. The precision of care... [Is it weird to say I'm happy Troy captured it]

                       Photo by Troy Wayrynen The Columbian 
Krista Colvin winces in pain as Tami Fuller, a radiation therapist at Northwest Cancer Specialists, makes a permanent tattoo mark that will serve as a target during future radiation treatments

After one of my physical therapy appointments... I turned the camera on them ;)

 

 
Erin Middlewood and Troy Wayrynen

I'm going to miss Erin + Troy... They've walked my journey with me. They've witnessed my ups, they've captured my downs, they've been incredibly professional and caring at the same time. They've made a community aware. They remind me that life is about the journey.

The 7 part series "Coping with Cancer" click here 

 

expanders

This is an expander... it's what I have placed in my chest under my pec muscle. It's the first phase of my breast reconstruction. Notice how it's deflated in this pic, it doesn't stay that way. They, as in Rachel the fabu asst. at Dr. Gabriel's office, adds saline injections on a weekly basis. This 'pumps me up' and slowly increases my bust size and in turn stretches out my skin to make room for the 'real' implants that I'll get later.

It's not comfortable... but the meds help. Dr. Gabriel gave me botox in my chest at the time of surgery to help with the discomfort. And thank goodness because after I get 'expanded' I feel so engorged that I could nurse an entire day care center. Which by the way isn't possible since 1. My boobs aren't really filled to the brim with milk. and 2. I don't have nipples. But I do have boobs and no cancer left so I'm not complaining.

I'm on the 'fast track' so to speak. That simply means that druing surgery Dr. Gabriel put about 240 cc's in my expanders then post surgery they expanded me 3 times in one week. This isn't the norm, but since I had a lot of empty space Dr. G didn't want the fluid to build up, hang out and cause me problems. The bigger the expander the less room for the fluid. Makes sense to me... and it makes me feel less like I had a mastectomy since when I look in the mirror I have breasts.

The goal is to inflate me to my optimal size before I begin radiation. [the max will be around 600 cc's]Then post radiation my skin will heal. After my radiation oncologist and plastic surgeon chat to make sure my skin is healthy enough, I'll have surgery for my permanent implants. About 6 months or so after I finish radiation. Then another procedure to get nipples. Which is an entire post within itself.

 
The black object is a magnetic something or another that will locate the 'port' in the expander. It's dangled over my chest to mark the port location then this is where the needle is injected for the saline expansion.

Letting it all hang out... my story in The Columbian

  The Columbian- Life Section October 31, 2010
Click here to read The Columbian article in full.

The local paper has been following my story. I've given them full access... as you'll see when you click on the link to read the full story. Who knew my back fat would make the paper and who knew that picture would be so prominent on the online version of the story! Funny how when reading a story about my own mastectomy I notice the minute- [is minute really spelled the same way as minute?] the tan lines, the back fat when I really should be thinking... Holy shit I'm getting my boobs taken off because I have CANCER.

I hope you find the article informative, the pictures telling, and in the scope of life I hope you find all the love + support you need in the family you've created.

If you would like to read the series in The Columbian... you can click here for my archive page then scroll down to THE COLUMBIAN... click there.

I'm wiped...and my pathology report is in

I don't feel like writing. I'm wiped. I had 7 doctors appointments this week. I can't even tell you how many vitamins + pain pills I've popped or the number of hours I've slept.

What I can tell you is that I'm healing... and my boobs are getting bigger ;)

I was expanded 3 times this week- which is fast and a lot. One reason is that the expansions help reduce the amount of fluid my body retains in the pockets created in my chest during surgery- it lessons the amount of room the fluid has to hang out. I was able to get my drains out on friday- which was 2 weeks post surgery. I was then wrapped really tight with a compression bandage in order to keep the fluid level down. I'm scheduled for an ultrasound next week to double check how my body is absorbing the fluid because too much fluid can cause some ruckus.

I also got my pathology report back. Basically that means they analyze all the tissue that was removed during my mastectomy. My left breast was clean... which I expected since nothing ever showed up there to begin with. My right breast tumor came back at 6 cm which is larger than originally estimated-  3 x 1.25 x 3.27. It doesn't actually grow in size, just seems the technology doesn't give a perfect reading. But I do have clear margins which means they removed all of the tumor cancer from my body. Of the 14 lymph nodes that were removed- 3 came back cancerous. The Pet Scan back in March showed 4-5 were cancerous, so some improvement, but it would have been nice to have them all dead- the good news is they were removed.

Next week I'll have a Pet Scan. This is where they do a full body scan to see if there is any cancer hanging out. There best NOT be any.

Soon I'll be getting radiation which will occur on a daily basis- m-f for six weeks.

On a personal note, I feel cheated that I didn't get to take my daughter to the pumpkin patch this month.

post-op at home

A fews days after my double mastectomy... You can see the expanders are in and give me some shape.
The expanders have had a huge emotional impact as well- I don't feel boobless.
[I'm wearing a 'Survivor Tank' which was a gift from the Yummie Tummie people :) ]

I've been home from the hospital for a week. It's flown by. Which I'm thinking may be the power of pain meds and having my best friend Diane here to help me.

I feel ok, well actually I feel engorged which isn't usually what women would say following a double mastectomy. But in my case I opted for the expanders to be placed in my chest during the surgery- which means I'm not conclave but have the beginning of new breasts. The boobie doc put a decent dose of saline in them to start [ i think 240 cc's] + added 90 more cc's several days later. This is why I feel like my girls are full and ready to nurse...but in reality they are just stretching out a bit to accomodate my implants. About 6 months from now when my skin is ready [post radiation] I'll have surgery again to remove the expanders and place in my implants.

When I was in the hospital and prepping for my shower I took my first look at the sisters. I wasn't upset. I didn't cry. I wasn't grossed out. The stiches were covered with tape, there was no bruising or bloody gunk. I could see where the drain tubes were placed... which is the gnarliest it gets. The drain tubes take the leftover gunk/fluid and drain into what looks like a clear hand grenade. My job is to strip the drains + keep track of the amount of fluid. After a week or so they will be removed. Removal is determined by the amount of fluid my body would be able to absorb on it's own. I do have soreness where the drain tubes meet my skin and am looking forward to not lugging these things around. I have 3... 2 on my right breast with one of them draining the lymp nodes, 1 on my left breast.

Hope this doesn't fully gross you out. The lighter cup is the lymph node drain.

 I keep a clipboard in my bathroom to record date, time, and amount of fluid drained.

 

My incisions don't hurt, which is a bit of a surprise to me, a nice surprise.

The top half of my chest doesn't hurt, but feels pressure. This is the device they have me wear. I call it my heartlight, the kids think it's more Iron Man. It does some electro-magnetic thing every 4 hours. I've asked 5 times what it does, but since I'm a bit strung out all I remember is that it helps relieve the spasms. It's simply placed on top of my chest and held in place with the white gauze tube top. #soMadonna

 

Random details:

I find my legs + arms twitching as I'm lying down to sleep.

The first day home I went to put on my big girl panties and then reached for a bra.

Reaching for a cereal bowl is apparently a no-no until my drains are removed and my blood vessels have had a chance to heal.

No driving until I'm done with my pain meds.

Keeping track of all the meds is a bit confusing... so I write down when + how many pills I've taken on a this clipboard I keep in my bathroom.

 

I have weird dreams that I don't remember.

My eyesight is wonky... I have to remove my glasses to read my iPhone + the newspaper.

My community is full of great cooks... I SO appreciate the meals + baked goods!

I don't miss my old breasts.

I haven't cried since surgery.

I have 6 doctor's appointments this week.

I'm feeling ok about all of this.

 

 

pre + post-op in the hospital

 
Mike + I pre-op

My husband has a difficult time with hospitals... I do too. But on this day I wanted him by my side more than anyone else in the world. I felt calm. I was ready. I didn't cry until Mike looked at me with his loving eyes communicating to me without words... hence the tissue box on my lap.

I recall being rolled down the hallway, meeting the nurses in the operating room, being transferred to the surgical table and that's it. I woke up in the recovery area. Spent a couple of hours there before being transported to my room on the 8th floor. Which by the way had the most incredible view of Mt. Hood and the entire mountain range.

I kept referring to the hospital as a hotel... take a peek at my view + my room.

I had a fabulous view of Mt. Hood and Prune Hill. This is only about 1/3 of my panorama. 

I loved how organized the room was... 
 

 
The kids and I post op.

MIke and the kids came to see me later that evening. I know it was a bit scary for them to see me with an IV, oxygen tubes, leg compression machinery and lying half asleep dress in my hospital gown. I tried to muster up some energy to chat about all the medical devices, show them I'm ok, and give them some love. Annie immediately wanted to see my chest... of which I declined. I hadn't even seen it yet and wasn't about to mess with the bandages. Wes whispered to me asking if I felt like a boy. No, I don't I whispered back.

I called Mike later to check in... tell him goodnight. He told me that when Annie got in the car she cried. She didn't like the idea of me staying alone and thought I'd be scared.

On Saturday the kids had soccer games so I did my hospital thing... napping + watching chick flicks. I finally got to watch Julie + Julia. Here's the kids visiting during my meal time + taking over my tv. [just like home] This gave Mike and I a chance to walk the 8th floor, see the sunset, and just be.

 

I was very well taken care of. The nursing staff was wonderful, always being gentle + thoughtful. [I stayed for 2 nights] I appreciated the visits, the flowers, the messages of support. Once my best friend arrived I was ready to be discharged and head home. Of course the kids wanted to sit in the wheelchair before checking out... I drew the line at them pushing me.

I feel strong.

 
I feel strong. I feel ready.
And I was able to truthfully tell my daughter that I wasn't scared.

Tomorrow I have my double mastectomy + lymph nodes removed.

It's time.

I've had 8 months to think about this. I've had 8 months to process. I've run the gamut of emotions. But today I am calm.

My big brother Brent said he felt like they were taking my breasts. I told him they were taking the cancer.

I've had my closure. I wrote to release and had professional photos taken to document . I held my children tight to help them feel secure. I'm ready to let go.

I'm not scared because I faced my fear of going under during surgery last month. I'm thankful I won't be wearing prosthesis boobs since I'm getting the expanders. I hear it's not as painful as one might think. I have my home in order so that things shall go somewhat smoothly in my absence. I have laundry done, food in the fridge, dry cleaning picked up, and lip stick in my hospital bag.

I've received comments, messages, tweets, phone calls, voicemails, texts, and hugs full of support, love, and prayers. I am thankful to my community. I am thankful for a strong foundation.

I feel loved therefor I feel strong. 

so what does a mama do days before her mastectomy...

So just what does a mama do to 'prep' before heading into surgery...

Laundry.

I've been asked several times how I feel about friday. I'm ok. I'm sometimes weepy. I'm prepping. As in getting my family ready to function without me.

Laundry is priority. Odd isn't it. How something so simple needs to be in order for a family to carry on. Soccer uniforms need to be ready to go and easily accessible. Favorite sweatshirts cleaned. Clean socks in the drawer.

I've made a list of details for my husband... it includes which child is going where, with whom, and how to contact them. He'll figure out the rest, he's smart.

I've stocked the freezer with a fresh bag o'chicken nuggets + fish sticks. The cupboard is full of cereal. There are enough goldfish to last 2 months. No one will starve. No one will care that there are no fresh vegetables.

I'm more focused or distracted by these types of details than my actual surgery. It's part of my hunker down, put on my blinders, just move forward attitude.

I'm a mom doing what needs to be done.