krista colvin's [putting on my big girl panties + kicking breast cancer in the ass]

Girls Night Out...

 
 

Ok.. it feels really odd to say 'Wow, that went fast"... but damn, that went fast. I can't believe a full years gone by. Last year on this night the town of Camas, my lil' town, was throwing a BIG party. Next week will be the second annual Girls Night Out... and we'll be raising money for two local charities: Pink Lemonade and The Ovarian Cancer Alliance of Oregon and SW Washington.  The pink cocktails will be flowing, we'll be dancing in the streets, and pinky swearing left + right!

I LOVE our theme... Now is the New Later. Sound familiar?! Here's why...

 

I believe we need to ACT... We need to do our monthly self exams, we MUST listen to our body and SCHEDULE our appointments the moment something doesn't feel quite right. We NEED to PINKY SWEAR to take care of ourselves and our girlfriends. We can't wait... waiting can kill you. NOW is the NEW LATER!

OK... I'll step off my soap box to tell you how to register www.downtowncamas.com . It's only $15 and you'll be supporting Pink Lemonade and The Ovarian Cancer Alliance of Oregon and SW Washington.  I wanted to give a personal shout out to Pink Lemonade...

Last month I attended a Pink Lemonade Breast Cancer Survivors Couples Retreat. I wasn't sure what to expect, in fact I said to my hubby on the way to the coast... "I have no idea what I've gotten us into, but I'm glad we're going."  I'm SO glad we went.  There were 7 couples, 2 incredible therapists and a sunny weekend on the Washington Coast.

 

 
Mike and I felt like we had come full circle... You may remember we spent a long weekend at the coast shortly after I had started chemo. here and here . And now here we were Cancer FREE and sharing our inner most feelings with others that had been there-done that... and continue to face the fear of recurrence. My take away... It was so nice to be around those that will never say "so you're done?" because they know It's never really done...

So... on a lighter note ;)

I would LOVE to see all of you... Celebrate Life + Friendship + Community with you!!! I do hope you can make it... Last year was pretty over-the-top! And this year we've gone a little crazy...

REGISTER HERE www.downtowncamas.org
LIKE us on FB www.facebook.com/camasGNO
A special shout out to the fabulous sponsors! Cascadia Women's Clinic, PeaceHealth, First Independent- they have some fabulous goodies for us!

lump day

I'm only days away from what I've dubbed "Lump Day".

February 28th, 2010 I found my lump...

My post 'what the lump" shares how I discovered my lump... my cancerous, aggressive lump. The rest of my blog posts share my journey. Some of which has become a blur... moments forgotten, moments that make me laugh, moments that remind me how lucky I am to be surrounded by loved ones and to have such community support.

One of those friends is a local blogger... Today she tweeted this:  

I'm giving away a Flip Camera & Cancer research gets $1 if you join the Just Ask FB page. For my gal @kristacolvin http://ht.ly/434GU

Take a looky... it's WONDERFUL! And... it made me tear up. Thank you Kim, Thank you for your friendship, your support and your contributing to the cause. #nomorelumpsforyou

badge of honor

Poolside in Vegas

A couple of months ago I was chatting long distance with my girlfriend Cheryl. She's an old h.s. friend... and a romanticist, which I treasure about her. I was going on about losing my hair, wearing wigs or hats blah blah blah. Cheryl simple stated that if she was going through, what I'm going through, she would wear her bald head as a badge of honor.

Her words permeated with me. They have transformed my bald-headed embarrassment into an opportunity to make people aware of breast cancer...

My head is my pink ribbon.

But can I go the whole day, a week, the entire month of October for breast cancer awareness without a hat, a scarf, a wig?

I'm pondering the idea. And it scares the crap out of me.

I barely have the courage to take off my hat in public. Yes I briefly take it off, give my over heated body some relief, but I do so quickly. I do so timidly. I do so somewhat privately. I do it when it's safe. I do it when few people are around.

It's not easy for me.

Cheryl called it my badge of honor... I think it's my responsibility, my honor to educate, to continue teaching.

It's much, much easier for me to bare my soul than to go bare headed. But I'm seriously considering it, because it just may help others take their own breast health seriously.

It may just be the in-your-face reminder to call and schedule your mammogram.

It may just give you the kick-in-the-spanx to do your monthly self exam.

It may just save your life. That's no little just. #Itsavedmine.

inner voice

When I really take the time to listen to myself the answer is always there. I didn't used to listen to my inner voice. I would drown it out and do something anyway irregardless of whether or not I REALLY felt like or wanted to do it. For example, a very simple example... when the phone would ring, I'd always answer it. I'd carry on a conversation even if I wasn't in a talking mood or if I had some task I needed to accomplish. This changed when I called my girlfriend Danielle and she kindly excused herself from chatting since she wasn't really up for it at the moment. BAM... how liberating. How mature. How honest. I learned a valuable lesson. A simple yet empowering lesson. That was more than 10 years ago.

Today I took the time to listen to my inner voice. It said no, it's not the right time. I was in talks with a local entrepreneur about doing some work... I deemed it a great opportunity but found I was dragging my feet when pressed to follow through. I still have a lot of cancer crap ahead of me getting in the way of bringing my 'A' game to the table. I finally made the call to decline.

Saying no doesn't come easy. I've seen it over and over again with my female clients and girlfriends- it's like we are on auto pilot to say 'yes' even if we don't have the time or energy to swing it. We somehow feel guilty for saying no. We need to get over that... for the sakes or ourselves, our sanity, our families. I learned to replace 'yes' with "let me think about it". Then think, I would... ponder, process, and make an honest decision. My inner voice is smart, wise, and keeps me in check... just like Danielle.

race for the cure...or not

I've never done a walk or a race, unless you count the one I did in junior high which WAS a whopping 20 mile walk-a-thon. But for the past several years when asked if I'd like to run a marathon I reply with much certainty that I'll be 'the one sitting at the corner cafe with a cocktail in my hand cheering you on as you run by'. #i'magoodfriend

When the Portland Race for the Cure came up in conversation, I hesitated but told my friend Tina that if we created a team I didn't want it to be for me, but for all the women of Clark County. Over 600 will be diagnosed with breast cancer this year. Somehow it was easier to consider walking if it was for someone else.

But when the time came... I bailed. I couldn't talk myself into doing it. I registered, I registered my husband and my kids. But I really couldn't wrap my mind around it.

When I was first diagnosed I put it out there on facebook. An old high school classmate sent me an instant message saying she was going to add my name to her hat as she ran a race supporting breast cancer. I freaked inside... I wasn't ready for anyone to walk for me. I do the walking. [so to speak, since I don't actually do walks, but you know what I mean]. I wasn't ready to be on the other side. This haunted/taunted me for days.

When I registered for the race there was a box to click if you were a breast cancer survivor. Well... not yet, but where is the 'fighter' box? I clicked the box anyway as I'm optimistic. There was a brochure to click on to get info about parking and where to check in. I started to feel overwhelmed. Every time I thought about the race I got a bit anxious and didn't want to figure out the details. The vicodin may have contributed a bit as I was still healing/am healing from the whole anal fissure surgery thing [which by the way is much better thank you very much]

The night before the race it was pouring outside which only added to my list of reasons why I didn't really want to head out to downtown Portland to race. But I knew other people would be there, those girlfriends that have supported my journey. They were planning on being there rain or shine to walk in my honor. I began feeling guilty. I called Shawna as we were planning on going together. She talked me through it... meaning the guilt washed away.

I guess part of putting on your big girl panties is making decisions that are best for you, not out of guilt. I did feel a tad guilty when my personal trainer Casey called post race and caught me eating an apple fritter and sipping on a sugar laden latte while on the sidelines of my son's soccer game ;) #lifeasiknowit

Next year chicas... I'll be cancer free, fancy free, and promise to not be sitting on the sidelines but joining you in celebrating those before me and raising money for those after me. Rain or Shine.

"you sound good!"

I always think it's a bit funny when I talk to someone on the phone and they say "You sound good!". Of course I do chica... cancer doesn't have a sound- it's silent, it's sneaky. I don't feel sick, sick is coughing, aching, nose blowing. My cancer is silent, it doesn't have a voice or maybe I won't let it have one. #silenttreatment

But...it happened again yesterday when my best friend Diane told me I sounded good... she was checking in to see how I was doing post sphincterotomy surgery... I smuggly replied "of course I do I'm not talking out of my ass!" ;) #justkickingsome #thingsyoucansaytoyourbestfriend #couldn'tresist

chemo: check

Last chemo... August 23, 2010
Mary Rarick, me, Brandie Kajino

About 6 months ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer... chemo quickly followed and now I'm ringing the bell in the treatment center to signify that I've made it through this part of my cancer journey. Yes, I literally got to ring a bing... and I swung that puppy over my head busting out a 'go-girl' move. Well, the second time I rang it I did that... the first ringy-dingy I was feeling a bit shy as others were still lounging in their blue leather chairs getting treatment- I didn't want to boast. Then Brandie got out a camera to capture the moment so I had a do-over and decided to make the most of it.

The pic above gives you a little peek at my new eyebrows- yes they've been slowly growing. My eyelashes have also been slowly making their way home. My 1/4 inch hair is hidden behind my scarf.

Here's a peek a what Day One Chemo was like click here 

Day 1 of Chemo [march 24th, 2010]
 

But I'd rather look forward... here's a pic of my celebratory lunch with some of my girlfriends.

Lisa, Mary, Amy, Me, Dana, Brandie. 

Thank goodness for girlfriends...

week 23

Chemo- Round 2, treatment number 3
My girls Lara Blair and Lisa Algstam

I'm in the throws of post chemo... which basically means I'm fatigued. Today is Friday, I had chemo on Monday. After two days of bed lounging I'm moving about. I could have done more the past few days, but why bother. It's only taken me 5 months to accept that my body is fighting cancer.

The fabulous news is that I've only got one more chemo to go! I'll continue getting Herceptin every 21 days but the side effects will be minimal if any and they 'don't really count as chemo' to me. AND that will be nice because I'm SOOOO over the side effects.[that's another post]

I'd like to share THE one good side effect- my friends get to become friends. Lara got a chance to meet and get to know Lisa and visa-versa. Brandie also stopped by for a bit so Lisa got to meet her in person and not just via twitter. Nothing like a lil' day in chemo to bring about new friendships ;)

And I still have some hair. It's pitiful actually, but every time I look in the mirror my husband reminds me that I still have some hair and that when I put on my hat you can't tell- well, if you didn't know me you might not tell ;)  I certainly can. I've decided to put off shaving at least for now. #hatswork

best friends

Krista and Diane... best friends for 40 years

 

My best friend, Diane, came to stay with me... to help out, to support, to be there in case I felt really sick after my round 2 chemo treatment. I keep 'thinking' Beaches but it's not really like that, although I we saw that movie together years ago.

 

I've known Diane since we were 3. When she moved into the neighborhood my mom walked me up to her house [at my begging] to meet her. We've made mud pies together, took ballet, played our fair share of Barbies and dress up and crushed on the same boy. As grown ups we've vacationed together. Now she's here doing my laundry + painting my daughter's toe nails. #bestfriendsdothatforeachother

 
Too lazy to scan these #notwantingtohookuptechnologyrightnow
so you're getting fuzzy iPhone pics of pics.
 
 

feelin' it.

Today I feel like I have cancer. I woke up nauseated. I took my meds, they took a while to kick in. I wondered how long I'd be sick if I got sick. Thankfully I didn't have to find out.

I've been tired all day. Not myself. Thankful that my best friend is here for a few days to help, and she is. Just having her answer the phone or play a game of cards with my daughter is so helpful.

I'm hoping today is my 'bad day' but I won't know until tomorrow.