krista colvin's [putting on my big girl panties + kicking breast cancer in the ass]

Proud... SO Very Proud

 
 
Annie age 8 and  Wes Colvin age 11, Recipients of the Courage of Lucy Award 2011

I am SO VERY PROUD of my children. Cancer can have my breasts, my hair, my 14 lymph nodes, my uterus... but it can't bring my kids down to your level- nope not these two.

The Courage of Lucy Award is given out to a student of Dorothy Fox Elementary School every year. Lucy Warren was a courageous 8 year old that lost all 3 of her older brothers and her father in a tragic private plane crash. Jack, Will and Rob Warren were 14, 13 and 9 when the plane plunged into the Columbia River the day after Thanksgiving in 1999. My son Wes was born soon after on New Year's Eve Dec. 31, 1999.

This story breaks my heart... When I first heard that Wes and Annie had been chosen I cried. When I called my husband to tell him I cried. Then I cried again thinking about Jack, Will, Rob, and Lucy and their mother... Thank You Geri Pope Bidwell for honoring those students that courageously walk the halls of Dorothy Fox when all is not perfect in their lives. Thank you Dorothy Fox staff for recognizing my children, for supporting them, for loving them. Mike and I are so thankful.

last day of radiation... through the eyes of my children

The night before my last radiation treatment, my daughter asked if she could go with me... "you know mom, to be there for this important moment". I immediately said 'sure!' then asked if my son wanted to go as well. I had already asked my husband, so now my LAST radiation treatment followed by the 'bell ringing' was to be a family moment forever etched in 'Flip' time.

I handed over the camera to the kids...

last in the series...

The local paper has followed my cancer journey for the past 10 months. The last article in the series ran the day after Christmas... "Focusing on a good life beyond cancer" click here. 

The pictures are very telling, very forward, and an honest depiction of my journey. #fairwarning

The photos on my blog are the moments I can capture... the smiles, the hair shots, the friends. Troy, the photo editor for The Columbian, captures the truth. And I whole heartily support that...
even if the photos aren't the most flattering... because cancer isn't flattering. #butyoucanhaveacuteblogheader

This photo (by Troy Wayrynen) really sums up my physical journey. The port and mastectomy scars, the markings, the tattoos, the hair, the radiation laser and the grin and bare it. The precision of care... [Is it weird to say I'm happy Troy captured it]

                       Photo by Troy Wayrynen The Columbian 
Krista Colvin winces in pain as Tami Fuller, a radiation therapist at Northwest Cancer Specialists, makes a permanent tattoo mark that will serve as a target during future radiation treatments

After one of my physical therapy appointments... I turned the camera on them ;)

 

 
Erin Middlewood and Troy Wayrynen

I'm going to miss Erin + Troy... They've walked my journey with me. They've witnessed my ups, they've captured my downs, they've been incredibly professional and caring at the same time. They've made a community aware. They remind me that life is about the journey.

The 7 part series "Coping with Cancer" click here 

 

merry christmas

The Colvin Family 2010 

When I was first diagnosed and didn't know any details... my husband stood looking at me with his hand on his forehead and tears in eyes. I listened carefully as he talked in a distressed voice.  He said many things but I remember him clearly saying "How will I do Christmas without you?" He listed the presents, the trees, the wrapping, the decorations...

I knew I wasn't going to die from breast cancer, but I didn't yet know my stage or the details of my journey. I looked at him and reassured him I wasn't going anywhere. I would not be taken from him or our family... not this way.

This Christmas... 10 months later... I am reminded of those words. I am reminded how special each and every Christmas we have together as a family is. I am so blessed to have both my parents and my father-in-law under our roof this year.

Merry Christmas from my family to yours.

p.s. May you give yourself the gift of a mammogram this year and a monthly self check... do it for me

 

1 down 32 to go

Today was my first official radiation treatment. I have 32 to go- oy vey. Here's what I know about radiation... I will go daily m-f with the exception of Dec. 24th + 31st because the office is closed, until I reach 33 treatments. January 25th is my Done-Date.

During the next 7 1/2 weeks I'll also have my kidlets home for winter break, celebrate Christmas, celebrate my son's 11th birthday, my husband's 44th, my 44th, call my brother to wish him a happy 46th, and try to conjure up what I can do to celebrate my mama's 80th. I will be thankful and slightly crazed. And from what I hear I'll begin to get tired and feel sun burned on day 17 just in time for my son's birthday- bummer.

Today my appointment took about half an hour, but tomorrow and the rest of the treatments should only take about 10 minutes... thank goodness.  I came home with red sharpie marks outlining my radiation zone... My girlfriend Amy suggested I wipe it off before the kids got home, of course I forgot and Annie asked if I was bleeding. Nope... just getting marked up + zapped little chica. I also thought I smelled a bit fake bakey as I left the radiation room.

I'm tired... I also had my Herceptin treatment this am, followed by radiation, then it was half day which means the kidlets get out early, and I got to do both 5th grade homework and 3rd grade homework... then it was off to get Wes to basketball practice, pick up dry cleaning, grab a dinner with my lil' chica and back to basketball practice.

So... I'll share more about radiation soon ;)

you may or may not be surprised to learn i am indeed jewish

 

I think I'm 'now' Jewish. I took a genetic test called the BRCA1 and BRCA2. It's the test for the breast cancer gene. My doctor suggested I take it since I am young to have breast cancer, my father is of Eastern European decent [Hungarian] and I have a daughter. Tahe gene is prevalent amongst Eastern European Jews and since Hungary falls into the Eastern European map- I qualified.

My results came back positive for BRCA2. [pronounced bracca 2] This answered the 'how' I got breast cancer. It also included some genetic details of my ancestry.

If you test positive for this gene [and more on this later when I feel like really sharing my deepest thoughts on this topic since it involves my kidlets] you may be of Ashkenazi Jewish ancestry if you carry the mutations 187delAG, 5385insC and 6174delT. 

I am positive for 6174delT. #mazeltov

The report says: If this individual is of Ashkenazi Jewish ancestry, it is recommended that follow-up testing of relatives of this individual include analysis for the mutations 187delAG, 5385insC, and 6174delT because of reports of coexistence of two high-frequency germline mutations in some Ashkenazi families.  [my dad tested positive, he was raised Catholic][and my genetic counselor wants my siblings + later my children at age 18 to get checked]

I'm not all that surprised. My father was raised Catholic. His father's side of the family was "very" Catholic... including Cardinal Janos Simor . I think his mother's ancestors were of Jewish decent. The family tree shows a last name ending in Stein. #deadgiveaway,maybe

I also wondered if my dad knew any of this... he was born in 1928, fled from behind the Iron curtain in the 40's when being of Jewish decent was obviously not very popular... which leads me to believe his parents never told him. [my dad confirmed that over Thanksgiving]

I'm also not that surprised because, well, quite frankly, I felt a little Jewish. Ok... how does one 'feel' Jewish. And can you be a little Jewish or is that like being a little bit pregnant? I don't know... but there was a certain comfort that I was amongst my people when I taught at Mercer Island High School in the Seattle area. [a predominantly Jewish community] My students noticed it, commented on it. I even tried to teach while sitting on my hands one day... that didn't work.

When I share my new info with my Jewish girlfriends, they welcome me to the tribe. Yesterday I even had a gift on my front porch. It included books on Hanukkah and Matzo Ball soup, a dreidel, and Hanukkah cookies. :) #seethecookiepicabove #happyHanukkah

I'm not sure what if anything to do with my newfound ancestry. In fact I wasn't raised Catholic, I don't belong to a church and I embrace people's rights to worship whom or what they please. What I do know is that I carry the BRCA2 gene and I don't believe that any god would wish breast cancer on anyone.

 

for more info on BRCA Analysis:
www.myriadtests.com
www.facingourrisk.org

Happy Thanksgiving

So much to be thankful for...

My cancer is gone, but it's the little things I keep thinking about.

The neighbors that brought me dinner the nights I couldn't even think about eating but needed to feed my family.

The moms that called and offered to take my children with them when they were headed to the pool, or the park, or just have them over to play.

The thoughtful cards, the instant messages, the texts, voice mails, and emails just saying you were thinking of me.

The personalized gifts, beautiful flowers, funny cards.

Rides to my appointments.

It's always been the little things. The little things that drive me crazy and the little things that keep me sane. I have so many little things to be thankful for.

I could write a book about all the little things my girlfriends and community have done to support me... but right now, this very minute I'm going to log off and spend time with my husband watching one of 'our shows', because it's these little moments together that we will remember.

Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours.

boy or girl

Today I had yet another doctor's appointment at 3:30 pm that in turn requires the kids to go home with classmates. I try to schedule my appointments to avoid this, but it's not easy, then again either is farming out two kids every time this happens. Which is often... just ask the parents of my kid's friends.

It's been 9 months since my diagnosis. My children have been strong. My children have been informed. My community has protected and nourished my children throughout my cancer journey. Their classmates have made me cards, looked me in the eye and said "I hope you get better soon" and delivered flowers to my hospital room. click here to read the related post

But one kid missed the memo.

The first thing my son said when he walked in the door was "Mom, this kid on the bus said something mean. He said he couldn't tell if you were a boy or girl."

UM, hold up now. I'm thinking all sorts of things but not saying them aloud. They ranged from, what a little shit to yeah, well I am looking a bit like a boy lately. I also wanted to grab the lil' shit by the scruff, drag him to his mama and let her know how mean her kidlet was, how insensitive, and down right uneducated. AND obviously this kid hasn't met my big brothers.

But.... in the 5 seconds all those things went through my mind I found my high-road mama voice and asked

"How did that make you feel?" Wes replied "Angry."

Without pausing I asked what he said to the 'mean kid'. Wes said "Wait till you get cancer."

WOW... so proud of how he handled it. After 9 months this is the first time either one of the kids have had their 'mama' attacked. This was something I thought may happen. This was one of the reasons why I asked the kids before going hat-less for breast cancer awareness month. click here to see that post  This is why I contacted the kid's teachers, coaches, school counselor, their friend's parents and neighbors when I was first diagnosed. I wanted the grown ups to help their children understand cancer and answer the questions their children may have. I wanted my children to feel comfortable talking about cancer. Whispering behind closed doors wasn't our mode-of-operi.

So boy or girl...Yes, this is something I look in the mirror and notice. I do look boyish. My hair doesn't scream girlie-girl. In fact I joke with my girlfriends that I may be mistaken for their partner. I'm practically identical twins with my big brother. I do look boyish. And that's just how it is. It's what I physically feared the most about cancer and yet am now comfortable with. In spite of my 'boyish' hair I've continued to choose to go hat-less. But the chicarita in me dons my big ol' hoops, dresses a bit more feminine and continues to wear lipstick because that's who I am.

I've also chosen to talk with my kids openly about all sorts of topics. Cancer being one of them... but I am also communicative about why his preschool friend has two moms, why the greeter at Target is overly friendly, and the bag boy at Safeway has large red areas of skin on his face. I pause movies to explain scenes and I make comments about the behavior of characters they watch on tv. I want my children to understand and be understanding.

I'm hoping that little boy (from the bus) walked in the door and the first thing he did was ask his mother "What's cancer?"

 

in a holiday state of mind...

I haven't felt much like writing this past week. You'd think with all my good news [did you see my last post about my negative pet scan?!] that I'd be jumping up and down, drinking coffee and writing up a storm. Albeit I am THRILLED with the news, however I'm still in the midst of treatment... which leaves me tired, sore from the booby expansions, and still holding down the Colvin fort. What this really means is that I prefer to sleep, watch tv and drive to get my coffee, peruse a boutique or two, all while leaving my net book at home. Then I spend a few hours managing the kidlets til bedtime. In the evening when I prefer to write, I opt to hang out with my hubby, read with the kidlets, or just pop a sleeping pill and head to bed early.

But in spite of my lack of go-get-em... I find I'm ready to throw myself into the holiday season. Which really isn't my norm. I prefer to keep it low key. Yet this Thanksgiving there is SO much to be thankful for. My pet scan results came in time to be THE topic of thankfulness around our family table. I bet my big brothers may even shed a tear or two...

So on a lighter note... I wanted to share some items from my other blog... the one that I've taken a sabbatical from to fight breast cancer. #hasitrealybeen9months? 

I dug up some of my favorite posts regarding keeping Thanksgiving + the holiday season in perspective... keeping it simple yet stylish [just how I like it!]  It's also a great reminder of what I looked like with hair ;)

Cheers to you and THANK YOU for being part of my journey.

"Creating a Simple + Stylish Thanksgiving" click here 

"Let them help" [kids love to be part of the holiday bustle!] click here  

"Creating a Personalized Holiday Guide Book" click here  [total side note.. i'm wearing that sweater today :) ]

 

 

Good question

This morning my son crawled into my warm cozy bed then after a few moments asked "Mom, what are you going to do for a job when this is all over?" Good question.