krista colvin's [putting on my big girl panties + kicking breast cancer in the ass]

i'm not the same

I've read here and there that people experience depression post cancer. I'm vowing that not to be me and in doing so I'm hoping to not jinx myself. I have my own philosphy about this... and ran it by my oncologist to see what her take was. So before I begin my rant I want to say that this may not hold true for all patients, our journeys are all different as is our treatment and circumstances. This is about me, my personal journey.

I am not the same.

I'm not the same 5' 9" thin girl from 1985. #Iateherforbreakfast

I wasn't the same at the end of high school, nor college graduation.

I grew up after my first trip to Europe and after my first marriage ended.

I was different after moving away from my hometown.

I was different when I married and had my first child. And my second.

I'm not the same as I was when I started my business 6 years ago and my business is not the same.

So of course I'm not the same after 11 full months of fighting cancer.

And that's ok.

day 30... the homestretch

3 more to go...

My last five radiation treatments are a bit different. They call them 'booster shots'. Which means they target my mastectomy scars... apparently cancer cells find this to be a good hiding spot. Well Olly Olly Oxen Free- come out, come out, wherever you are. #takethatbiotchcancercells

My skin is tight... and burnt and peeling. Take a looky.

It hurts under my arm pit... and where my cleavage is. #yesIhavealittlecleaveaction

My cold hands tend to be helpful along with aloe vera gel and the prescription silvadene. I'm thankful my skin isn't cracking- I've heard stories, thus in the cancer world, I'm one of the lucky ones. 

I haven't experienced any fatigue- thank God, because I've been there done that and I'm SO done with that. In fact... I'm feeling great. I'm not napping. I'm not popping sleeping pills, and I can actually stay up til 11pm without completely falling asleep on the couch.

I am however gaining weight. I'm sure the 10 o'clock bowl of cereal and the hoards of holiday + birthday treats haven't helped. #gofigure

30 down. 3 to go. Then I get to ring the bell marking the end of radiation treatment #ringitloud

day 21, 22,and 23 [radiation]

Day 21 was a turning point. I didn't lay on the table listening to the buzz of the big-honken equipment as it dosed out my daily treatment. I didn't count out the seconds of the buzzing noise. I didn't think about holding absolutely still. I didn't notice when the machine moved from left to right and began it's second dose of radiation. I merely thought about the episode of Californication I watched the night before.

On Day 22 I lay on the table and thought about how the day before I didn't focus on the noise or my inherent need to breath deeply once the buzzing noise begins. I thought about how Day 21 was a turning point... the day habits are formed, things become your new norm.

On Day 23  I was surprised to find a new puzzle on the table in the waiting area. I feverishly began putting the edges together. I stayed after my appointment to work on it. I realized I looked a bit like a fanatic, gathered my belongings and headed home a lil' worried about my new puzzle habit.

 

i need to get back in the groove

My groove's been thrown off... It typically happens this time of year (and post summer break) because the kidlets have been underfoot and I can't keep my life in order because I'm too busy playing cruise director. But my groove has been off since last March when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. #BAM #lifeshappens

I thrive on routines... simple little routines that keep me sane and keep me from yelling at my family. A couple of years ago I created Shebang 101 to help my clients (and me) get it + keep it together. I've decided I need to get my routines back in order- it's time.

    

     Here's the link to my Shebang 101 page.
     click here

    

 

 

I'm going to work on updating my routines to fit my current lifestyle... Would  love to have you join me if you're feeling the need to get your groove back on.

radiation treament... what it looks like

Radiation isn't scary. It's very detailed + scientific and you have to hold really, really still, but it's not scary. Take a peek at the video my girl Brandie + I took today of my treatment. You'll see what it looks like, how long it takes, and you'll get a peek at my gold lame disco top they let me wear. #don'tbejealous

Today was Day 19 of 33 treatments. My treated skin is noticeably darker... as in I have 'tan' lines. My right breast and under my arm pit are beginning to feel the tightness along with minor irritation.... so I let the nurse know that I'd no longer be shaving my right pit for her.

My energy is great, for now, and I'm hoping that doesn't take a major dive. #cuzI'mLOVIN'it+Ifeelnormal

 

  

 

My radiation treatment screen... the details. 
My right breast + lymph nodes are in 'the treatment zone'
 

Side notes

What to wear to Radiation:I'm a quick changer so I skip using the lockers. I wear a cardigan that can be quickly pulled off + on along with my tank that easily pulls down when I get on the treatment table. [the video was taken during a particular cold week and I needed the extra clothes layer] Oh, and don't wear deodorant in the pit they are treating.

Hold Still:Let the team move you into just the right position.If they want you to help they'll ask you to scooch down/up a bit. You can keep you eyes open or closed during the actual zapping.

Meds: I was told to stop taking vitamin C during radiation because the doctor doesn't want me to have any antioxidants.

Rads: That's how my twitter friends refer to radiation.