krista colvin's [putting on my big girl panties + kicking breast cancer in the ass]

signs of normalcy

Is 'normalcy' even a word? None the less, I've had signs of it.

I have nose hair. Yes, who thought this would ever be blog-worthy. This was the first hair on my body to go once I started chemo. Never thought I'd miss it, but when your nose drips, hair slows it down. Nothin' like a carrying around tissue to make you feel like an old lady. I also noticed not all my clothes had pockets to carry the tissue and I refused to fold it up my sleeve-SO old lady. I also had nose bleeds. Which of course without hair can't 'web' into a good blood bugger. #details And... I also had sinus congestion. [Note these symptoms have all passed they were so 3 months ago ;).] ps. I used a nasal sinus rinse to deal with these side effects. #grossbutworks

I'm complaining. The kids stuff strewn about the house is bothering me again. The Beck Rally and Sarah Palin's comments annoy me. I'm tweeting a bit more. I nagged my husband about video games.

I got up and made coffee two days in a row.

I read the Sunday paper.

I got out of bed before 9am. Before I would wake up early and be up + at 'em... After a few cancer months I learned to just stay in bed and 'rest' even if I didn't fall back to sleep.

I'm wearing mascara. Because I have short lil' lashes that have made their way home.

I plucked a few stray eyebrow hairs. It wasn't too long ago that they were abandoning me.

I'm being a bit sassy and silly with my family.

I'm thinking about organizing again.

It seems so simple and trivial but it's always been the lil' things that drive me crazy or make me smile. I've added nose hair to that list.

the girls meet the boob doctor

Yesterday I took 'the girls' to meet the boob doctor. We've never been to see a plastic surgeon... hasn't been on my list of to-do's until they decided to try and kill me. I've been perfectly happy spending astronomical amounts on good bras to keep the girls high and tight. I even blogged about the importance of getting fitted and treating the girls with some respect. #gofigurebackstabbingboobies

My appointment went a bit like this...

Took the kidlets to a neighbors- how boring would this appointment have been for them. Replace boring with traumatizing.

Lisa picked me up Miss Daisy style and accompanied me to the office. After filling out more forms about my health (checked NO on everything but cancer #seriously) I was called into the doctors office... small, nicely decorated, photo album on desk full of breast before, during, afters. The assistant gave us the low down, then Dr. Gabriel brought it home... nice chit chat, good [stable] hands #thanksfornoticinghislisa and then the details.

He suggested I have expanders put in at the same time as my mastectomy. Expanders are basically small deflated beach balls that will have saline added to them to plump them up and in the process expand my skin enough to replace them down the road with implants. Sounds good... but I'm a bit skeptical that going the new route is better than the old route. Meaning this isn't the ol' standby routine for reconstruction. I've got to do a little more research, talk to a few more people, then make my decision. One of my hesitations is that I still need to do radiation, which really messes with my skin and it's strength to 'hold' the expander.

Following our chit chat consult I needed to take some pics... a girl needs before pictures right? I had to smirk to myself as the assistant had me pose in cheerleader like moves to take my shots- I did my best ;) Post photo shoot the doctor took my measurements, explained the process, and answered more questions.

I left with a cute lil' bag full of reading material and with my head spinning. I'm still in disbelief that I have to lose the girls and deal with this. #feelssoprimative

chemo: check

Last chemo... August 23, 2010
Mary Rarick, me, Brandie Kajino

About 6 months ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer... chemo quickly followed and now I'm ringing the bell in the treatment center to signify that I've made it through this part of my cancer journey. Yes, I literally got to ring a bing... and I swung that puppy over my head busting out a 'go-girl' move. Well, the second time I rang it I did that... the first ringy-dingy I was feeling a bit shy as others were still lounging in their blue leather chairs getting treatment- I didn't want to boast. Then Brandie got out a camera to capture the moment so I had a do-over and decided to make the most of it.

The pic above gives you a little peek at my new eyebrows- yes they've been slowly growing. My eyelashes have also been slowly making their way home. My 1/4 inch hair is hidden behind my scarf.

Here's a peek a what Day One Chemo was like click here 

Day 1 of Chemo [march 24th, 2010]
 

But I'd rather look forward... here's a pic of my celebratory lunch with some of my girlfriends.

Lisa, Mary, Amy, Me, Dana, Brandie. 

Thank goodness for girlfriends...

last chemo

Tomorrow is my last chemo... but not my last treatment. Specifically that means I will continue getting the drug Herceptin intravenously every three weeks to complete the year long 'prescription' but will be done with the havoc-wreaking drugs that make me tired, nauseous, and make my hair fall out. #GoodRiddensChemo #6monthsofthiscraziness

I'm feeling anxious about tomorrow- odd because it's my 'last' one, yet I've felt so good for the past 2 weeks that I don't want to go backwards- as in feeling fatigued etc. I know it's only for a week then bam I'll be DONE and ready to climb onwards and upwards. I'm chalking this all up to having just had a fabulous vacation with my family- I felt cancer-free #wellalmost. Tahoe is a bit magical like that.

I hope I feel like writing this week- I want to share my Tahoe pics + memories [we've been going there since the summer of '78]

p.s. I'm wearing 'real betty' and mascara right now... yes my lashes are short and fabulous!

he [really] did it

  My big brother, Eugene, sporting some big girl panties.

Yesterday [click here] I mentioned my big brother brought me to tears when he came out wearing a pair of big girl panties... Now I have proof and his permission to post this picture! #canyoubelievehegavemepermission?!

I can't believe I posted a pic of me in my bathing suit, then again i can't believe I have cancer or that I'm sporting a peach-fuzzy hair do.

Note the view from sunglasses... ahhh Lake Tahoe how I adore you. #Iadoremybigbrothertoo

I [finally] did it

 

Louie's Classic Barber Shop, Incline Village, Nevada [Lake Tahoe]

I finally went in and had my scraggly hair cut off. It was time.

As I sat in the chair I felt anxious, then teary eyed. But as soon as Louie got going I was fine. I was ready. My hair has been slowly falling out for months now. I'm lucky it hung on for so long. But I was hesitant to remove my hat when I was hot, only doing so in the car or in my home. Now... I'm good. It's easier [mentally] to have people look at me and think 'cancer' than to look and say 'bad hair'. #vainYes 

Louie, the barber, told me he could see new hair growing in... seriously?! He suggested I massage my scalp as well as lightly use a soft hair brush to stimulate growth. I also found out his nieces live in my lil' ol' town of Camas, Washington. #smallworld

My big brother and sister-in-law went with me, then when we got back to our condo [we're in Lake Tahoe] my big bro disappeared for a moment and emerged wearing a pair of big girl panties [courtesy of my mama]. I laughed and cried... #hoorayforbigbrothers #biggirlpanties

My husband told me he loves me now more than he's ever loved me and my daughter told me I was beautiful. #i'maluckygirl

I sat on the beach with my bald self and soaked it all in. I'm good. Bald but good.

sign of the times

 
I couldn't resist...

What I love about this sign is the the '6 miles ahead' portion. I think it keeps the rough road in perspective. I know this cancer thing won't last forever- it has stages that begin and end then will be replaced by new. My girlfriend Sandy, a b.c. survivor, reminds me often that it's just a blip in my life. I know I will be forever touched by breast cancer, but It's only 6 miles in my long journey.

big brothers...

The Simor Kids oct. 1967
totally fuzzy and taken from my i-Phone and not scanned

I'm looking forward to my vacation... which involves seeing both my big brothers for the first time since my b.c. diagnosis in early march- 5 months ago. I'm expecting some teasing, but know whole heartedly that they are sad for me and have been worried/concerned for me. I'm their lil' sister and I'm sick. [ I have a hard time calling cancer a sickness it deserves something bigger than that]

I'm their lil' sister they have watched out for- and they can't do anything about my cancer. They can only support me, and well tease me to lighten the severity of it all. The Simors are known for that- inappropriate at times- but none-the-less that's how we cope. #dysfunctionalmaybe

I'm considering putting on my big girl panties, gathering them both up and having them take me to a barber shop to have my head shaved. Somehow it seems the right way to handle this. And yet as I type this I have tears streaming down my face. #dangcancer #ilovemybigbrothers

more side effects + a warning of too much information ahead

The side effects that I may not have mentioned... because sometimes it's just too much information. But since I vowed to be open and honest here goes. #rememberItoldyouso

Taxotere toes- random big bruises under my big toes- named after the med it spawns from. My Oncologist told me they really bother some people. Guess I'm not 'some people' because this is THE least of my worries. #cancertrumpsuglytoenails

Chills... i get chills. They aren't your normal chills- There is a bit of a stinging as my nerve endings have been damaged. It's not painful just odd. It doesn't last long.

Dry eyes- blinkity blink blink

Anemia- I'm now on iron pills to tackle this one.

Hot flashes and yes menopause. I KNOW really?! My OBGYN confirmed it- yes I'm menopausal. It's not just the chemo, I was headed there anyway. My hot flashes arrive in the early am, making sleeping difficult and a continuous hunt for the cold part of my pillow and sheets.

and the worst... and remember I warned you and it's embarrassing.
I have an anal fissure. #eekisright  That means it feels like I'm pooping glass chards and YES it's painful. I finally called the doctor about it, dealing with it via fiber-con, sitz baths and oinment and hoping it will heal ASAP. And I hope you don't ever get one.

Okay, I said it... that indeed may be my lowest moment on the internet. It best help someone so that my blush cheeks aren't for not.

week 23

Chemo- Round 2, treatment number 3
My girls Lara Blair and Lisa Algstam

I'm in the throws of post chemo... which basically means I'm fatigued. Today is Friday, I had chemo on Monday. After two days of bed lounging I'm moving about. I could have done more the past few days, but why bother. It's only taken me 5 months to accept that my body is fighting cancer.

The fabulous news is that I've only got one more chemo to go! I'll continue getting Herceptin every 21 days but the side effects will be minimal if any and they 'don't really count as chemo' to me. AND that will be nice because I'm SOOOO over the side effects.[that's another post]

I'd like to share THE one good side effect- my friends get to become friends. Lara got a chance to meet and get to know Lisa and visa-versa. Brandie also stopped by for a bit so Lisa got to meet her in person and not just via twitter. Nothing like a lil' day in chemo to bring about new friendships ;)

And I still have some hair. It's pitiful actually, but every time I look in the mirror my husband reminds me that I still have some hair and that when I put on my hat you can't tell- well, if you didn't know me you might not tell ;)  I certainly can. I've decided to put off shaving at least for now. #hatswork