krista colvin's [putting on my big girl panties + kicking breast cancer in the ass]

strolling down a long path

I feel like I'm taking a long walk and perhaps I'm on mile 5 of a 100 mile journey.

My path is paved.

My path is mostly straight, often narrow.

My path is marked with mile markers.

I am walking under trees, with places to rest + enjoy the scenic views.

My path is gradually getting steeper.

I revel in the simplicity of my path.

My path was chosen for me and is easier than many.

My path buys me time.

My path gives me strength.

My path allows me time to adapt.

My path encompasses me.

My path owns me.

My path is so different from many of my fellow breast cancer chicas. Many must first endure surgery- major surgery. The kind of surgery I've not yet, really allowed myself to soak in. They didn't have much time at all- maybe 2 weeks, maybe a month to get used to the idea of losing their breasts. #bamtheyaregone And it's painful both physically + mentally. I'm not there yet.

Many of my fellow chica's also will endure hard-core chemo right off the bat. I'm referring to treatments every 3 weeks or even every 2 weeks were their treatment meds are double the wammy-power of my weekly meds. Where they lose all of their hair by day 14. Where they feel crummy. I'm not there yet.

My path has been easy comparatively. Today my mom asked if I'm putting on a front. NO. No, my treatment path has been fairly weathered. It's what scares me. The fact that I know what is to come is the difficult part.... I'm just not there yet.

kill it.

On Friday the kids had a 'Pink Day' at their school. My friends Amy + Angela worked with the kids to paint the clothespins pink for the Camas GNO event. The principal took it a step further + invited the kids to wear PINK in support of women with breast cancer. When my cute lil' kidlets got off the bus on Friday... this is what awaited me! Both of their classes had taken it even a bit further...

  

   
 
 
I Love how this card from my son's class displays how my son depicts the steps of cancer. He recalled the info from watching the herceptin dvd.
 

But I must say this kid nailed it!
  

home is where the heart is...

cape horn, washington  [columbia river gorge]

I love where I live.... this photo was taken just up river from where I live on Mother's Day. I was raised in Tustin [santa ana or north tustin if you're a 92705'r or a 544-#### or 832-#### or 838-#### original] but my heart is here in the Pacific Northwest. I LOVE a sunny day here... I LOVE a rainy day here.

I can't imagine living anywhere else, especially right now. My family isn't here, but my community has rallied and you'd never know I wasn't a Washington native... a transplant yes indeedy I am. "One of those" Californians that moved up here. NOPE... never have I felt that I was an outsider. I believe good people know good people... and I know a LOT of them.

On Friday a group of women that are the wives of my husband's former co-workers [yes, that's right... he works for Chase, formerly WaMu and several wives of now Wells Fargo + US Bank employees got together at Caren's home to cook up some meals for my family].

sako on scones, deloris + her mother on the lasagna, heather on chicken + sierra on the quiche.

NOW that's COMMUNITY and it all started with the wife of a district manager that decided upon her arrival to Portland that we are a community of financial adviser #orisitAdvisor? wives. Cheers to DeLoris for creating a community and to Caren for rallying the community even when we've gone different paths.

I am thankful + overwhelmed by my community, but I wouldn't have it any other way. So bring on the rain if it brings this kind of sunshine to the world around me. My heart is home.

 

 

 

fine lines

I keep 'seeing' fine lines. As in I see a fine line and I think it's my hair.

A pencil mark on my planner.

A shadow.

Anything thin + dark.

It reminds me of the movie where the kid says "i see dead people". Nope, not me... I see hair.

ps. went to the wig shop yesterday + met 'real betty'... she's getting styled- she's from India and she's quite the thick-chick... more hair than i'm used to [before the thinning]. you'll meet her next week. i also need to introduce you to my hats + scarves- we're going to be bff's.

coping with chemo... in "the columbian"

Photo by Troy Wayrynen
click hereto read the full story online in The Columbian 

The Columbian is following my story... the second piece came out on Monday titled "Confronting Chemo", written by Erin Middlewood with photos by Troy Wayrnynen. Erin + Troy have been fabulous to work with and so un-intrusive and kind. Reading the article you'll be reminded of some things I've written about + discover some moments I haven't yet shared publicly.

The story will continue next Monday on the topic of Support... which I've been so grateful to have so much of.

Here's is a link to the original post on story number one in their series... click here

 

 

a couple of chemo tips...

Today I did my monthly segment on AM Northwest, Portland's morning show. It was nice to not have to lug a bunch of props to the station and just do my segment interview style. But also it was such a quickie that I didn't get to share very much info soooo I included my show notes in a link below. Personally I think I spent more time debating whether or not to go thin or go hat! #gothinorgohomesaysthegobiggal

Here's the segment: Organizing Your Medical Crisis You'll recognize some of the info from this post on messy meds + this post on a day in the life of chemo.

Here are my full personal notes for the segment: Download AMNW segment outline 5.10.10 managing treatment 

Mother's Day

 
  Mother's Day 2010

Wow... I went from selfish-it's-ALL-about-me-mother's-day-mode in 2008 [read here] to it's really NOT about me... but about my kids.

When the kids shared their cards + handmade gifts [they chose their words so carefully and colored each item just so] I not just teared... I cried.

BIG OL' TEARS of LOVE.

I couldn't even read aloud the card my husband gave me. His words were so appreciative and thoughtful.

Today I enjoyed my Mother's Day. I soaked in the love and the little things, was reminded of how in the past I've looked to my children + husband to deliver 'the-perfect' Mother's Day. Today unbeknownst to them, they were themselves + they delivered. I received.

 
side note [or yet an another entire blog post]

This morning I put on comfy sweats, cute but comfy. Then I changed. I changed into a dress... yes I own one- but you're right this is something new for me. I put on cute sandals. I debated how to wear my hair ;).  My daughter walked in + asked me to wear my wig. We had played around with it last night while our friends were over. But I wasn't expecting her to ask me to wear my wig. She also added something innocent about the bald spots showing. #yikes

I felt panic. I'm not ready to wear the wig. Not ready to worry if it will fall off. Not ready for the 'trial run'. My husband saw this and told Annie that mom was going to wear a hat. She was okay with that. She said she just wanted to see how the wig went with my outfit. #gifigurelilfashionista  But by this time I was resigned to move forward with the trial run. Then sighed [relief mostly] as I pulled off fake-betty and found my favorite summer hat. #decisionsdecisions

Annie came back into my room dressed in the closest thing possible to my dress. I loved it. I loved that she wanted to dress alike. #so80sLauraAshley We both donned our jean jackets over our white eyelet dresses, I in my summer hat + she with a flower daisy clip. #ilovehavingadaughter #ihopeshe'scancerfreeforerver

i'm still here... just a ramblin' on

oh bother... as pooh would say. i think it's pooh, certainly not tigger [which i'm usually so much more tigger than pooh and certainly never eore]

but my point being.... i'm here. i just haven't felt like writing. of course i have plenty to say and have many a a'mind-blog [that simply means i've written the blog post in my mind, typically at 4am as i'm laying in bed telling myself to go back to sleep- and lately i've been listening to myself hence the slow down in blog posts. whew... did i even pause during that thought. AND no it's not the 'roids...which seem to have dissipated into thin air. #cursethemiWANTthemback 

thoughts... events... what i should have been writing about this past week.

mother's day... got a cute.cute.cute email from my daughter's teacher. after i see her gift i may just share the details with you!

and... I'm hoping to do a whole post on mother's day- because i have thoughts, thoughts that involve how i've 'matured' over the past 10 of these.

friends... old, new, and those in the making. i had the pleasure of getting to know helen better- she's a survivor, the host of AMNW, and gave me some insight as to what's coming ahead treatment wise. but most importantly it was just nice to chat + have a cup of coffee together.

more of friends... i'm seriously WELl taken care of. From meals to rides to a simple email or message- they are all so appreciated. i actually did some produce shopping and cooked a bit myself this week. shhhh, don't tell my girlfriends i swear they'll think i've gone mad.

hair- it's thin. waaaay thin. have i ever mentioned that i hide the 'evidence'. i wipe out the bathroom sink + the shower stall so my poor husband doesn't have to see the mounting load of evidence that soon i will be bald. #notthathehasn'tnoticed  not sure if i ever mentioned the 'ping! ping! ping!' which is what i think my hair is doing/saying as it jumps ship. haven't noticed it quite as much this week- maybe it's taking a new quieter approach so as not to freak me out, or quite possibly to just keep me on my toes, because there is no normal lately.

sleep- i'm doing more of it. i seem to have hit the balance between the steroid meds + the chemo. #tippedthescalesnolongeraspaz  i'm not up all hours, i've taken sleeping pills on nights where i may need it [this is a big deal for me, i'm not really a pill-popper, but in the name of sleep- i'm game.

family... got to spend time with my parents and 2 of my closest friends, sleep in my old bed, check out my thinning hair in the same mirror i got ready for prom in + just about every other major 'get ready' event.

events... worked on the Camas GNO event... www.facebook.com/camasGNO  designed totes [SUPER CUTE] and was thrilled so many fabulous sponsors have hopped on board. Cascadia Women's Clinic, Jockey, Agave Jean Company and more!

Of course all these little ramblings are posts within themselves. Even the moment my daughter put on my wig and proclaimed she was "Betty McFetty"...is a great post.

But i've rambled myself into midnight. No sleeping pills needed.

chemo #7 kin-folk style

 Here's what chemo #7 looked like...

Notice my cozy new blanket made with kin-folk love! Thank you to my hubby's cousin Suzanne!

Nothing like some homemade lovin' to keep you cozy + safe.

7 down... 5 more in this round. Bring it on...

side effects

the chemo side effects are here... #myshoesmyweek

cleaned my nose + got another bloody nose.

woke up early- so i took the dog for a walk.

got irritated- went outside to get some fresh air.

noticed my toes felt numb- so i went for a long walk.

my body was cold- i put on my beanie.

my nose was clogged- i did the neti.

my bod felt barfy- i took a med.

my taste buds were waning- so i added more salt

my body was tired- i took a nap.

my tongue felt yucky- i hate a piece of chocolate.

my bm's are painful- #godhonesttruth

lunch was bland- but i ate it all hoping it would 'get better'.

my head itched- i combed out the deserters.

my head was hot- i took off my hat.

coughed a yucky cough- so i drank more water.

my parents were worried- i went to go see them.

went through airport security- felt embarrassed to take off my hat.

worried about how i looked- bought more new hats

felt like nesting- bought a new couch.

wanted to be healthy- bought pounds of fresh produce

fell asleep watching tv- wait, i always do that.