krista colvin's [putting on my big girl panties + kicking breast cancer in the ass]

not so fine...

Yesterday I wasn't so F. I . N . E . 

I was more frazzled.  I was sad. I dealt with it in only the way I knew how to at that very moment.

I crawled back in bed, curled up + wept for a bit. #seeicry

My sweet lil' chicarita wasn't happy with her new hair cut [REALLY? Cause I'm LOSING my flipping hair + you have the cutest, sassiest bob that a mama can get ya from Super Cuts].  My son decided he wanted to play football instead of soccer + didn't have his homework done. [ummm NO soccer tryouts are today + I already paid the money + you are going to be on a team where i know the parents + that is PRICELESS right now] And hubby had a nail in his tire + needed a ride to work. [hop in handsome- need a ride]

Is it wrong to throw out the cancer card? I did anyway. I tried to be gentle.

'mommy is sad she's losing her hair. so it makes me sad that you don't like your hair cut' blah blah blah. #fucki'mreallylosingmyhair

'mommy really needs 'normal' in our lives... so doing your homework like you normally do- after school, is more normal than freaking out about it in the morning before school' #bringbacknormal

But when mama isn't fine no one is fine.

 

ps: there was so much more to this day.... my girlfriends made incredible meals for me, i went wig shopping with my lil' chicarita, i sang tom petty with my sunroof open.  i'll write about these later- but the 'notes' are in my twitter stream [you can read these over in the right column] along with my facebook updates.

 

hair in my fingers

wasn't really expecting this yet...

I'm not the girl that clogs the shower drain. However that may be changing.

I noticed earlier today that after I ran my fingers through my hair I had a few long full length strands weaved through my fingers. And then a few more later... and a few more. Thinking [read hoping] that maybe it's just falling out because I didn't wash it yesterday. Or it's falling out because hair does that.

I went on a walk today with a couple of girlfriends, had coffee, poked around at the local nursery, sat on the patio with my friend.... basically putting off a shower. Because when you shower, you wash your hair + more could fall out.

So..... I did. Aaaaaaand I wasn't' really prepared for the exodus from down under. That made it real. Real as in.... I'm not imagining my hair is coming out in long full length strands. Because what was washing off had nothing to do with my earlier dangling strands between my fingers.  #ewww #yuck #sorryifthat's2muchinfoforyou #dealwithitcuzit'smybodnotyours

I decided to just shampoo + not conditioner. Why put the extra pressure on my 'strands'.  I shaved my pits + legs because it may be the last time for a while.

I checked my arms to see if those tiny hairs were jumping ship. [nope, not yet] But little curly whirly in their twirly whirly were not asking for a ride. #creepy

When I wrapped my hair in the towel I was extra gentle... extra gentle even squeezing the water out before putting on the towel.

Left towel on for a long time... decided to clean out my hair brush to assess how much hair will come out when I brush it. That's what you see above. It's not a lot per se... but it's only the beginning. My beginning. The part I'm MOST not looking forward to. [as if you look forward to cancer side affects]

Time for some big girl panties.

Picked up my phone, called my gal Stacy James + let her know it was time for a shorter sassier cut. Head Shaving is now on the horizon.

Also need to move up the wig shopping date... #pronto

I'm not going to blow dry my hair.

Aaaand the school bus will be here in a couple of minutes. #later.... #nowwheredidiputthatsupermomcape

 

my tweets during all this.... [this is what a tweet looks like]

kristacolvin: slightly freaked... noticed full length strands of hair on my hand after running it through my hair. #yikes

 

kristacolvin: went ahead + took a shower + washed hair in spite of fear more would fall out.... wasn't prepped for the down below exodus #itsforrealsnow

 

kristacolvin: i cleaned my hair brush so that i can judge how much i lose.

  

 

kristacolvin: not really wanting to take this pretty white towel off my head + brush my hair....

 

kristacolvin: thinking this hair loss thing is the first physical "I've got cancer" moment. #mylumpiswellhiddenbelowthegirls

 

kristacolvin: ok, putting on my big girl panties + working the normal hair routine.... #whatsupwiththatwhatsupwiththat

 

kristacolvin: tonight might be a good night to have a cocktail.....

 

 

 

 

seriously... i am fine

Oh chicas + chicos.... I know you've been asking "how is she... how is she REALLY?"

I swear on your mama... I am fine. F.I.N.E.

I am fine because I know what my plan is.

I am fine because I am not going to die of breast cancer.

I am fine because my husband said he doesn't care if I am bald + boobless... He just wants me here.

I am fine because I have good insurance.

I am fine because my parents are helping out financially.

I am fine because my girlfriends know how to cook + they are taking that god-awful task off my shoulders.

I am fine because my body is stronger from having started to workout last November.

I am fine because my friends of all faiths are praying to their spritual being + sending oodles of good mojo + energy my way.

I am fine because modern medicine rocks... and smart kids turned into smart teenagers that turned into focused college kids that turned into my heros.

I am fine because my family is taken care of.

I am fine because my girlfriends send me notes, call me, care about me.

I am fine because women are now using my blog as reason to check their own breasts, to make that call to their obgyn, to schedule their mammograms.

I am fine because someone decided to put steroids in my med line up.

I am fine because I know life is about the journey.

ps. when i'm not fine... i promise to tell you. P.R.O.M.I.S.E #nofingerscrossed

a day in the life of chemo

I wanted to share some pics + journal what an actual day of chemo looks like. I had no idea... and once you know it's  not quite as scary.

I schedule one of my chicas to go with me... to drive, hang out, fill my water cup, grab us lunch, read + share magazine ideas.

I arrive for my 9:45 am Chemo appointment with a latte in hand. I check in, write down my name, have a seat. [normal doc visit stuff]

When my name gets called I get whisked back to the pre-treatment room...

 
  
  

 

 

weigh in.

 

have blood pressure taken.

 

Then it's off to the treatment room.

When you enter the treatment room this is what you see. [before the rest of the cancer patients arrive + yes it fills up pretty quickly. They do a morning shift + afternoon shift] When the patients arrive I always wonder what type of cancer they have. Unfortunately they don't have a cartoon word bubble over their heads telling me #blastedprivacylaws

I find 'my chair' and get settled in. You can also do this before they weigh you in... to snag a good seat and all. I opt for near the bathroom + close to an area where I'm not in the center of things. A spot near power cords + enough room to pull up a chair for my girlfriends.

'My Chair' is located on the right side of the room. With 'the good' artwork above it.
We snag a good chair my chica Lara to sit in...

 

I have my girlfriend find an extra 'dinner tray' so that I have a proper home for my laptop away from my coffee + water bottle. I properly arrange my stuff... big bag with purse, my shoes, + lotions + potions I may need are tucked behind my table + recliner.

    

I bring my little net book [yes they have wifi!] my cute tote Carrie sent me filled with magazines + small food treats, my extra chargers [computer + iPhone] I also keep a clipboard with paper to jot random notes, my planner comes along to record appointments + today I want to see where the breaks in my treatment plan are so that I can plan a girls 'ta-ta' to the ta.tas weekend getaway.

All settled in... now it's time for the nurse to come see me + take a blood sample, check my levels, then mix up my meds. This will take about an hour.

I'm pointing to the spot where my port is. I put a lido caine lotion on before leaving the house to numb the area where I get poked. Today I'm opting not to also have the stinging lido caine shot they give you before 'plugging' me into the port/IV. [the lido caine shot stings- I was fine without it-the lotion worked well enough]

This is what my Power Port looks like... It's the device they surgical implanted into my chest, so that I don't have to have a stinkin' painful IV every visit. It's under my chest with the white tube streamed in my artery. Gross + SO coolio at the same time! The nurse feels for my power port then inserts the needle device into the cent of it. click.bam. i'm good to get infused. You can see she already 'clicked me in' as the bandage marks the spot and the bottom of the IV tube is sticking out of my sweater [the white thing]. She'll plug that into the IV tube.

These are my pre-meds...
a bit of benedryl [aid in allergic reaction], steroids[to fight fatigue + I think nausea] and a nausea preventing med. These will take about an hour to get into my system. These 3 pre meds can be given at the same time.

Then it's time for the Chemo Meds....

 

   First I have Taxol for about an hour. Notice they have several nurses double check the meds + they also have me verify it.

Then comes the Herceptin. The wonder med than has increased my odds of curing + surviving cancer. Before Herceptin my odds were 50-50 over a 5 year period.... Now I'm curable. #rockonmodernmedicine

 

When I'm done... I get unplugged, bandaded + I pack up + mosey on.

time of departure... about 1:30 pm

 

  You're questions are welcomed...

chemo number four

chemo number four... reminds me of mambo number five. surreal that tomorrow i'm headed into my 4th treatment. i'm not scared, because it's not scary. i'll be picked up at 8:30am by my chica lara blair, we'll grab a latte, head to chemo. like's it a normal day. about noon kim, another fabu chica will arrive with lunch, we'll twitter + blog then pack up around 2pm and head back to our families.

what's scary is that the chemo treatments haven't been bad. some side effects, but nothing major. i'm not stoic. i know it's going to get harder. but when i don't know. will it just smack me in the face, blindside me... will it slowly creep up on me as all the small side effects just compound- like the tumor itself?

i'm not stoic. i'm sensible. maybe. i'm not quite sure if it's sensible or naive.

 

SOME TREATMENT DETAILS

I.    Chemo round I: [Taxol + Herceptin] will be weekly for 12 weeks *some side effects
II.   Chemo round II: [FEC = 5FU + Epirubicin + Cytoxan] given every 3 weeks for a 12 week period [this round will be the tough one, the one w/the side effects... including hair loss.]

III.   Surgery [double mastectomy]

IV.   6 weeks of daily Radiation.

V.    Herceptin [via IV] alone every 21 days to complete one year.

in the life section

To view the full article click here

I mentioned earlier + briefly that our local paper The Columbian was following my story. Today the paper hit the matt. I had planned on it being a big feature but I wasn't prepared for the reply I got tonight when I ran up to the mini-mart to grab some copies to send my parents + my best friend. [my mama doesn't do the net].

I placed 4 copies on the counter and the gal said something like "It must have something good in it". My reply, as I flipped the paper over, pointed to the front page bottom banner + waved my hand in front of my chest "It's a story on my breast cancer". She immediately replied "Congratulations!" as if it was a good thing.

What? Did she not hear me.... BREAST CANCER. Not my business was just featured. Not my home is on the garden tour. B  R  E  A  S  T    C  A  N  C  E  R  do I need to spell it out?

The next question was debit or credit...

unchartered waters

It isn't just about me...
 

 It's about us.

Who knows exactly how this will affect my kids... I can tell you now that the first month, which I've dubbed the diagnosis month, is much different from this month, which I've dubbed treatment. The flurry of activity ranging from phone calls to flowers to last minute 'play dates' [so that mommy can go to another doctor appointment] affected them. They noticed. Of course they did. That's what kids do. 

They observe.

They react.

 

They rally.

Just like my family, girlfriends, neighbors, facebook friends, twitter community, colleagues, former students,  + community have.

Because it's not about me, it's about us.
 

happy birthday to my dad

happy 82nd birthday dad. you have always been hard at work so that my rainy days can be sunny. you knew. you lived it. you were/are wise enough to plan. and i couldn't be more grateful than i am now. #whenthankyoujustisnotenough

white picket fences

 

orcas island, washington [san juan islands]

I'm on a fabulous lil' get-away with my family... but today I had a chance to sneak off + have a lil' me time. I'm a sucker for white picket fences. Shouldn't we all have a white-picket moment or two or three in our lives.

Happy Spring. Happy Easter. Happy lil' Time to Yourself.

Thank you so very much for bringing so much spring to my journey, Krista
 

from messy meds to quite fabulous

 
All these need meds cluttering up my bathroom... can't have that. Especially how it doubles up from the mirror. oy vey

 

Note the fabulous 1948 vintage trays I found at Camas Antiques... Thanks Bennie for having exactly what a girl needs to turn her cancer into something much cuter

 
 An Inside peek behind the lid. Note the hot pink sharpie to write notes on the bottle lids.

 

Excess meds are kept below the sink... like this in another cute galvanized tray. p.s. I have safety locks on my cupboard doors.