krista colvin's [putting on my big girl panties + kicking breast cancer in the ass]

"total smackdown" "total breakdown"

Today I had another MRI... and how I managed to fall asleep amongst the banging and clangy is beyond me.... at least I think I shaved my armpits this time around however I still forgot to apologize for the last visit .... *oopsy*

This evening the radiologist called with some fabulous news! She used words like "total Smackdown"! But was does that really mean to me.... can't wait to see how dr. Kolibaba fills me. I replied to the radiologist that now I didn't even mind losing 1 hair for every dead cancer cell. She let me know that I had millions of cancer cells and 10,000 dead cancer cells to one little ol' hair was more the in the range. #f'nAwhoneedsthosehairs!

And a night + morning after....

Dr. K told me although the words Smack Down are not medical... but that the radiologist only uses them when she means it! SO my cancer is meeeeellllllllting like the wicked witch she is. The nodes are also back to normal size. #GOnodesGOnodesGO

This info is all good but no treatment game changer. Breast cancer cells like to lurk + then nest. Sounds like my family looking at 'good real estate' over the past 30 years... but we never really settle for a new nest. We just cozied up the old one.

SEE my cancer doesn't have ANY relation to my family line!

Annnnnd speaking of family. Here on my best-est of news days, my male kidlet had a big break down when I mentioned my boobs would go. Pushed him right over the edge. Hubby cuddled him, then he asked for me to cuddle him, read a book, and take a bath. #likethesafesecureolddays Of course I did, we cuddled + chatted, + I whispered to him that mommy is strong when he said 'why does this have to happen to you". Tears flowed.

ANNNND speaking of family. I'm headed solo to see my mom + dad tomorrow. I haven't seen them yet since the big announcement last month. It's odd to be the 'sick one'... typically it's my dad up to some 9-live shenanigans... but I guess at Thanksgiving someone tagged me when I wasn't looking and said "you're it". Time to take one for the Simor fam. I will take my turn and show them the youngest Simor kidlet has super powers that I've never shown them. Wonder now if they'll listen up when it's my turn to share a story at the Thanksgiving table #cancerbenefit #youngestof3extroverts

So warm up the coffee mama, papa turn down the G.D. Fox News... we've got some yohsa [german sp may be off (afternoon pastries) to eat + chat over.

Here's to sister krista that's with us tonight....

so die little cancer cell, die little cancer cell, die little cancer cell that messed with me tonight.

from lifestyle to my life

I do a monthly lifestyle segment for our local Portland morning show- AM Northwest. Today's segment was about 'Tips for Helping Cancer Patients'. [The emphasis is on the first month or so of hearing the words "Cancer"]

click here to view the segment
My hairs a bit thinner... the topic a bit heavier, I hope you find my tips helpful. #andnowyoucanputmyvoicetotheface

 

Here are my notes from the segment:
April 26, 2010   Segment for AMNW- How to support a newly diagnosed cancer patient?

Knowing you have Cancer is different than knowing the Severity or How to Treat it.

• Tests may include: ultrasounds, mammograms, biopsies, MRI's, CT, PET scans. 
• Official Diagnosis + Treatment plan happen after ALL the information is in.
  This can take several weeks after hearing "you have cancer". 
• You Can expect to have 2-4 medical appointments a week for several weeks.

 

Diagnosis Month is a Whirlwind of Appointments + Well Meaning Family + Friends

• Important to remember that YOU don't know how to beat it/fight it/ until you know what you are dealing with. 
• Thinking of you/praying for you/Here to support you... over the well meaning: "my aunt had... xyz cancer, she beat it, you can too" or here is how to beat it via xyz book etc.
• Thinking of you via cards, notes, facebook messages, etc. preferred over phone calls, Instant Messaging on FB etc.

Helpful Gifts

• Binder with pocket dividers, paper, pen.
• Small notebook to jot down notes
• Envelope to collect business cards in.
• Baked Goods
• Medicine organizer
• Treatment Basket or Bag

 

Do

• Texts or a quick call "I'm at the store can I bring you anything... milk? bread?"
• Snacks: fruit, muffins, ready to eat/on the go.
• Meals: prepared + easy to clean up.
• Be the "Designated Appointment Driver"
• Be the "Note-Taker"
• Be the "Child Care Provider"
• Be the "Cook"
• Help Schedule Appointments or clear appointments from your calendar
• If you are close... the tell them what you are going to do instead of asking what can you do.

USEFUL WEBSITES:

• www.LotsahelpingHands.com -Site helps you create + organize your community as to how they can best help. [I created a small team of my girlfriends to help me manage 3 areas: SELF.HOME.ENDEAVORS]
• The American Cancer Society www.cancer.org
• Washington Breast and Cervical Health Program offers free women's health exams, pap smears, and mammograms to qualified individuals. 360.514.1663 http://www.doh.wa.gov/cfh/bcchp/.

my local chicaritas... Camas GNO

the girls like to rally. they're my kind of girls.

Shortly after getting my diagnosis.. I noticed my Camas Girls were planning an event. They wanted to rally. Rally the local chicaritas to support our local Breast Cancer Organizations. It took all of 2 seconds for me to say "YES" I'll help in anyway I can.

So... I created the Facebook Page while hanging out with Lara during Chemo #4:
CAMAS GNO so that the local chicas can get info, they can invite their chicas + we can make our community a better place. WHO's IN? rsvp here {not required but nice to know}

Lara's created a couple of great blog posts about the event: Wash the Town Pink

Hoping you can join us, Hoping we can support the approx. 700 women in our community that this year will hear "you have breast cancer".

best chicarita's eVAH

five of my girlfriends go together to prepare meals for me...

for me... it seriously doesn't get better than this. BEST girlfriends evVAAAAH.

Meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking- not my forte. In fact I'm the woman that looks lost inside the grocery store. I never understood why I couldn't just walk in, see a display of meat or fish... with a recipe card and all the ingredients a girl needs to whip that supper together. Shouldn't there be 'the best' loaf of fresh bread, nestled next to the perfect asparagus along side the already toasted almonds to sprinkle over the top. C'MON make it easy for a girl like me to cook up a good meal.

oh... excuse me, I was a bit in my own world there for bit ;). Who needs the grocery store when you've got girlfriends that know how to whip up 8 meals [that SMELLED so could I could taste them when I walked up to the front door] in a matter of hours?! 

Last week I promised I'd fill in the blanks. [that promise here] This WAS definitely one of the whirlwind highlights of that day.

Brenda, Angela, Sheri, Deb, and Amy hooked me up... My freezer is full of healthy meals, my heart is full of joy, my shoulders are not tight + stressed. I loved watching them twirl around the kitchen. I'm thankful they know how.  [yes, i watched... my hair was a bit of a deal breaker... who the hell wants to see a piece of their own hair in a lovely meal. 'oh hello there, i don't remember your name, but i recall you LIVED on my head less than 3 weeks ago".

So instead of being a sous-chef... I plopped down on Brenda's family room floor + organized all my medical paperwork. It needed to be done .

I wonder if the clerks at the grocery store miss their favorite 'deer-lost-in-the-headlight suburban mama'?

ps. SO many WONDERFUL neighbors + friends have been bringing us meals. It's so overwhelming for me, because truly this is my area of weakness. A great resource to organize all the meals + help is www.Lotsahelpinghands.com

 

may 1st....

At the conclusion of my workout this morning (the one I had to actually pull myself out of bed to go to because I got up, got ready, got the kidlets ready, then crawled back into bed- #notmynormbutmaybemynewnorm) my trainer said we'll be doing on our 'push up' contest beginning May 1st.

But when was March + April.

I missed them.

This made me cry.

hair hair everywhere there's hair

Hair in the shower, hair in the sink, hair on my cell phone. Hair on my brush, hair on my back, hair on every knick knack paddy wack.

But I draw the line... it's not on my pillow, it's not between the sheets, it's not going to wake me up... I'm going to sleep.

Yes, it's me in my 'kerchief' and I in my cap... all nestled in for a breast cancer nap.

#whymustitrytorhyme #psthe'roidskickedintoday #goingtobednow....

chemo #5....

I was actually looking forward to  Chemo number 5. The 'roids I tell you...they're like 4 good lattes + they last for days.

But today... nope, they didn't do their thang. I may be a junkie. #moreNOWshewantedtoscream

I'm tired. I should have said NO more today.

I should have told the kids that if they wanted to have play dates [found out baseball was canceled once we got to practice] that they have to have the other parents get them + bring them home, or walk if the playdate is within a safe distance. I didn't do either tonight #pushitpushitrealgood

THEN my kidlet's piano teacher's car was kaput and unable to drive over... but she lives close so could I bring her over. I mentioned canceling but she said she lived close by. #DamnifIdidn'tsayYes #shouldhavesaidDAMNiDon'tfeelgood

The bonus was the the minute I pulled up to her teachers home, I realized she lived on the same street as my sassafrass Brit of a friend Lulu... and bonus Italian chicarita Deborah was there as well. Lulu did what all good British chicas do + whipped up a cup-o-tea complete with milk + lemon... #lemonfirstorthemilkcurdles-orisittheotherwayaround and some girlfriend chit chat followed!

So now... my face is washed. My teeth are brushed. My meds have been popped. I'm curled up in bed writing... wondering if I can squeeze in some LOST tonight before the meds take over.

ps. thank you tracey for being my chemo chica today... and loved that my girl brandie did a nice pop-in knowing her day was so busy.

barbara

Who knew workin' out would lead to warm bath that would lead to finding a lump that would turn out to be cancer. And here I thought I was just going to be able to fit into my snug pants.

my work out chicas: amy, lynn, + casey my ass kicking trainer

I never liked working out... cheerleading- yes :)  #likeit'sanysurpriseisportedpompoms

I hadn't really worked out in 10 years, yes I walk but actually class fitness or weights, or weight loss schemes lasted about 2 weeks and I was over it.But then one night over cocktails at Casey's house for Amy's birthday... I committed myself to helping Casey build her website + figuring out facebook. That in turn lead to her committing to training me and these tweets followed:

told hubby i'm going to work w/ a personal trainer...he may have keeled over in Fred Meyer's-if you see him kindly help him off the floor

i may have been dreaming but i'm pretty sure i'm meeting my 'future' bleacher butt kickin' new personal trainer for coffee today

So now, all kidding a side... my workouts have turned into my cancer ass-kicking sessions. I'm on a mission to get strong. Strong so that I can handle the hard core round 2 chemo that starts in June. Strong for surgery. Strong for radiation. Strong for the long haul.

And "Barbara"- she's the bitch of a workout [known as consecutive rounds of 20 burpees, 30 push-ups, 40 sit ups, 50 squats] that led me to the tub soak, that lead me to the lump. I don't hate that biotch anymore... she was just helping me get the strong thing goin'.

But under my feet baby, grass is growing

my first lilacs of the year

Spring has been on mind... When I felt the lump in late February, my allergies had already rendered a full blown sinus infection. All around me beautiful lil' reminders of spring + I couldn't help but think that my cancer was blossoming. How could something so dark be related to this time of the year. Cancer is dark, I should have cancer in November. Well I guess I did actually. But cancer in the spring... something wrong about that.

On Friday I was feeling panicked, overwhelmed, lost. While driving to Porltand to meet Betty + then again on the way home Tom did his thing... see for yourself. #whyisityoudon'treallyhearthewordsuntilyouarekneedeepinthem

(Tom Petty)
It's time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It's time to move on, it's time to get going

Broken skyline, movin' through the airport
She's an honest defector
Conscientious objector
Now her own protector

Broken skyline, which way to love land
Which way to something better
Which way to forgiveness
Which way do I go

Time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It's time to move on, it's time to get going

Sometime later, getting the words wrong
Wasting the meaning and losing the rhyme
Nauseous adrenaline
Like breakin' up a dogfight
Like a deer in the headlights
Frozen in real time
I'm losing my mind

It's time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It's time to move on, it's time to get going

fake betty

I'm not quite sure what i've told you + what I haven't.... There are so many paths I travel in one day that sometimes you get the whoa-is-me post but 10 minutes later all is back to 'normal'.

It's Sunday night... we've had a mellow weekend. But Friday- Friday was a doozy of emotions. My last post told you how my day started off. Here's what followed.

In fact I'll just skip to the end because I'm tired + I'll fill in the blanks later.

[blanks include chatting with an ol' friend, meal making with my girlfriends, coffee + wig planning, panic, girlfriends handling kidlet details, quick stop at the school. and speeding into portland.]

Meet Betty. Fake Betty. 

 Why hello fake betty...

I hadn't planned on meeting betty today. But the hair shedding through me into a tizzy that I hadn't expected. WAAAAAAAY more emotional about the 'it's just hair' thing than I imagined. I now wanted to scream to all the well meaning "it's only hair comments' [which includes me by the way]... "But it's my fucking hair" and the Brazilian comments... "ummm yeah, do I LOOK like I give a shit about having my hoochie stripped naked like a barbie doll or a child"  along with "I wear a swim skirt for crying aloud- no need to wax the hell out of my private area". #excusemylanguage #whyholdback

Fake Betty is synthetic. Real Betty is on order. Yes I splurged... it's my f*cking hair remember ;) When I sat in the  hairdresser chair Brenda took one look at me + said I've got the perfect thing... and out came Fake Betty. Bobbed + ready to rock it.  My daughter was with me[after pulling her out of school 15 minutes early as a surprise- to actually both of us because Brenda got me in last appt of the day before heading out of town for a week] 
I sighed and made the remark to Brenda that there must of been so many women in this chair that have breathed a a sigh of relief.

I was no longer completely freaked out about losing my hair. I now had the Betties.

*more betty pictures later...
*more on my girlfriends cookin' up meals for me
*more on crazy mom tears into school office in a panic