krista colvin's [putting on my big girl panties + kicking breast cancer in the ass]

telling the kidlets

I prepped the kidlets... mommy has a lump, found it while in the tub last night when you walked in. Mommy is going to have the doctor look at it... yada yada.. keepin' it real simple.

Then when the Obgyn said it felt cancerous + suggested I chat with my kidlets to prep them. I took her seriously.

Now added to the dinner convo was mommy is going to have biopsy to see if this lump in her chest is cancerous. Explained that there are all kinds of cancers. Old people, Young People, Kids, Mommies can get it and there are so many kinds. Sometimes you hear about someone's grandpa dying of cancer.

But when the calll came, it was hubby's turn to step up to the plate and tell the kids. He talked to them privately in the car, doing his best to explain. Tears where shed, questions were answered and both kidlets came into the house quickly to hug me.

The next morning my sweet 7 1/2 year daughter looked at me and in wonderment said "you don't look like you have cancer" my reply with hands up in the air with the same bewilderment in my tone... "I KNOW!"

Later we got dressed to go out for lunch. I purposely didn't dress in my usual black comfy clothes. Instead I picked out a colorful cheerful blouse, springy headband and lived up to my daughter's expectation of looking cancer-free.

As I prepped my outfit I was reminded of how when I went to visit my father after his open heart surgery he wore a scarf around his neck. Very euro [which he is but he's more member's only than len goodman]. My mom made a comment... but I realized my dad was trying to hide his large scars from me, protect me from the ugly reality. 

And now here less than 10 years later I was doing a bit of the same... protecting my own daughter. Putting on a cheerful exterior to hide the dreary interior.

betty-beats-cancer meets the blip

Yesterday morning I was feeling all 'betty-beats-cancer'. I felt great. I talked with Janice, my AM Northwest producer, proclaimed "how can i have cancer, i don't feel like i have cancer'. #pureutterdenial

We chatted about upcoming segments and planned for the next 3 months, leaving summer as 'the unknown'. Unknown because it' summer and the kids are home + unknown because I'm sure by then I'll have tapped out all my neighbors to watch the kidlets, and unknown because I may look + feel like shit and not sure I want to be on live tv.

I also had a follow up appt. w/ Dr. Kilway, my surgeon, to look at the Power Port incision to see if the incision was healing properly. #whyYESbetty-beats-cancerITwasLOOKINGswell

I did some work, I ate some cookies that my neighbors Bob + Dee made me, well us, got the mail, opened the mail, put on my new necklace from Jeri Dansky (definitely more on this later) and took the kidlets to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid. See NORMAL mom stuff. Betty-beats-cancer-BS-everyday-stuff. #withgiftsbecausewhenyougetcancerpeoplesendyoufabulousthings #bonus

Then during the movies while I was picking popcorn pieces out of my bossom #babygotbust my phone was vibrating. Of course I ALWAYS check my phone and saw 3 calls- 2 being doctor numbers. OY.

I stepped outside the theater- cuz my kids are old enough now to do that... and listened to the radiologist say that the "stealth" biopsy from friday was postive. #BAMPOWZAP you'd think I was hearing I had cancer or something. So here I am in the dark empty theater hallway watching the guy put up a sign saying I can't use the bathroom because he's cleaning it... clean the hallway buddy- it's damn dreary while listening to medical voicemails. Diary of a mom.

This isn't bad news per say. I mean I already have cancer in that breast. It's the same kind of cancer "invasive ductal" but it's in a different quadrant. We may lump our breast into one big boobalicious mound, but science breaks it up into zones or quads. This means another part of my boob is trying to kill me. Go figure. Betty-beats-cancer has a fucking sister. Well she's a little bitch. She's a 'popcorn kernel' and that's really no match for the dragon-queen tumor weighing in at peach pit size (i think... i need to go get my peach pit-yes i have one stashed away...another story obviously)

That kernel may be the game changer. As in lumpectomy v. mastectomy. I'll chat with my oncologist as she's my go-to-gal for this journey. I need more info. AND I'm not sure why I'm so down about this news. I had already 'planned' on the mastectomy from about week 1 on... but then I got cocky. Figured this breast cancer thing was going to be a breeze, a blip. Didn't quite plan on this little bump feeling so big. I always say 'it's the lil' things that drive us crazy'. That if the little things are under control we can tackle the big ones. #Ihaveanentireblogaboutthat #theshebang

So... If you'd like to see how my day panned out play by play. I'm on TWITTER. I "tweet" lil' moments. I cut + pasted them here for you to see how my day went.
ps. don't be scared of twitter... it's just like passing notes in class.

HERE are my TWEETS starting from the waiting room:
ps. when you see an @ that means I am sending a tweet/note to that person. On twitter I am @kristacolvin. You can visit my page here: www.twitter.com/kristacolvin

Sipping on a hazelnut latte while I wait to see my surgeon for a post op appt. (power port for iv)

Still sipping on hazelnut latte but now sportin' cloth gown open in front #notashotasitsounds

Appt done... Went well- off to knock out Twitter party work for organize.com & get kidlets #falalalalifegoeson

@designmama   hugs received chica... send white cells if you have some ;) #badassmuthawhitecellhug

 

off to the movies with the kidlets... because i'm a mom and i have to. #naptime#popcorn

 

love @jeridansky@allisonstrine  http://tweetphoto.com/16354318   http://tweetphoto.com/16354359

 

@hchybinski   wimpy kid!

 

Damn. As I thought the stealth spot is also cancerous & located in a different quadrant of my breast #feistygirlsaretryingrealhardtokillme

 

@bruinlab   same kind different quad...

 

First bath since I found "the lump"... but took this soak with my daughter #talkedaboutthelump  #peachseed

 

The other day I did a twistory search... Needed to remind myself of how I tweeted before I got all cancerie... Or is it cancery ;)

 

Going to get kick my ass kicked in the am by my trainer then kick some cancer ass at chemo in the afternoon. #morescaredofworkoutthanchemo

 

@KathieLB   thanks chica... Just feeling a lil Debbie downerish tonight... I think a cookie may help me snap out of it ;)

 

@bruinlab   you'd think so but I haven't chatted w my oncologist yet- just radiologist #whoknows

 

@clementinenw   I was thrilled to see excellent- didn't see chubby written anywhere! ;)

@ProfOrganizer   9am pst :)

@clementinenwI   actually started to like working out and then thwapBAMpow & now i want to keep my health "excellent" yes my pw says that!

@Mary_Rarick   I'd hang out with her ;)

@TCreativeBlogs   kidlets down... Windows open- loving the sound of rain & frogs!

Apparently I should stop tweeting & get my kidlets in bed... Hearing the sounds of ice cream coming from the kitchen #taptaptap

More later... thanks for being my 'ear', my friend, my chicaritas.

thank you term

I know Term. I had a dream about Term a couple of years ago... I remembered it clearly because I couldn't wait to share it with her. There was a brick building with a sign on a black rod iron hinge. Her name was on the sign + that read something like "Term Nylund Philanthropies".

Term is a giver. She's a breast cancer survivor. She's in my community. She is why I'm receiving some of the best medical care possible.

Thank you Term, THANK YOU so very much for sharing with your community.

thinking ahead

 

keeping things in perspective

 i feel carefree...
  

i feel thankful that i don't have bigger problems in my life. i feel strong.

i am in awe of the power of medicine. the power of nature + how it feeds on our soul + gives to our soul.

 

look mom, no appointments today!

wow... it was like having a day off... ferris bueller style. no one called my name [well i did get a reminder call about tomorrow's appointment but i let it go to voice mail- ferris didn't have voice mail back then did he...]

it was a normal mom today... got the kidlets ready for school. rushed them off the bus stop with the dog in tow. i put away dishes, helped make the beds, opened up curtains. didn't take a shower. headed off to coffee. met up with some girlfriends. took a walk in the woods. tried to determine just how far we walked. girlfriend drove me to pick up really expensive meds that insurance covers most of [think $1,900 meds with my share being $130- phew] back to cute lil' downtown for thai food, shopped in a couple of my favorite boutiques, grabbed joe out of the camas antique window to treat to a latte + chat design, ran into elida,  last visit to lily to purchase cute clothes because cancer can be ugly but i don't want to look sick or ugly.

so i showered + put on non-mom-walking clothes to go to my son's science fair at school in order to support him + show everyone that this mama may have breast cancer but doesn't look scary sick + can still babble on about nothing or babble on about cancer or pressure another mama about when their new mesa restaurant is going to open so that we can all imbibe on some specialty margaritas + babble on about bobbles + trinkets + sunshiny days.

ps... 1 month ago tonight i found that lump

chemo day 1 [ just 1 month shy of feeling the lump]

 

 

Day 1 of Chemo [march 24th, 2010]

See I'm fine... I've got my net book, a recliner, by girlfriend Brandie with me... AND I even got the PRIVATE room thank you very much! I'm 3 hours into my 'drip' and have about 1.5 to go before I head on back to the Colvin Casa to be mom. I've got the kidlets covered til 5pm so I can chill for a bit and dinner arriving- life is good chicas ;)

I didn't sleep well last night. I barely got my 'pre' chemo meds as I spent time talking to my girlfriend while sitting in front of the store, not bothering to see what time the pharmacy closes... *oopsy*. So when I reached the pharmacy I had a mild panic attack that I wasn't going to get the nausea meds + I wasn't going to be 'following the rules'. But joe-pharmacist had not left the building, he saw my anxious face, and heard my screams of "oh my god, i start chemo tomorrow and i need those meds!". I left the store w/meds + popscicles- vicki [childhood chica/survivor] told me big sticks were her fav. But I can't seem to find Big Sticks in the PNW.... if anyone can check your local freezer section let me know if they are hiding there!

But here I sit... in my private room.... OH... need to tell you how I scored the private room. I mentioned before our local paper The Columbian is following my journey, with promises to spread info, resources, + all the journalistic things I'm not trained to do. Because I've got a small entourage- Erin the writer, Troy the photographer, Vicky the marketing gal for NW Cancer Specialist,  Brandie my girlfriend + earlier Mike my hubby, they decided we might scare the other patients ;) and I'm sure there's some kind of privacy issue as well- like I care about privacy.

So... I'm fine really. Ok, TODAY, I'm fine. Tomorrow has a mind of it's own.

i'm trying...

what's next...

Monday: Chemo Class

Tuesday: Biopsy on the 'new' spot on my breast

Wednesday: Appt. w/ Oncologist + 1st Chemo treatment

I can't believe that it's been less than 1 month ago that I found the lump. Things have gone so quickly yet it feels like eons ago. For the past couple of weeks I've had no idea what day it is, I've lost track. I'm constantly checking my phone to see what time it is. My routines are off, my 'groove' is gone.

My mind is foggy, it's like 'preggo' brain. I can't seem to find the correct word I'd like to use or finish a complete train of thought. I'm hoping it's all the ibuprofen, tylenol, + occasional viacodin (sp?) I'm on for the pain from last friday's surgery. [of which i've yet to fill you in on..but basically i got my 'power port' which is an iv they place in my chest under the skin- quite frankly it kind of grosses me out]

"i have good news for you!"

THOSE are the words I got to hear coming out of my Oncologist's mouth today! #BINGOYATZEEWOOTWOOT Silly me thought that results appointments were only for bad news. #good2know

My PET scan showed cancer only in my breast + in 4 lymph nodes. Seriously that's GOOD news... there was NO cancer any other place in my whole bod!

So here's what that means. NO sentinel node biopsy tomorrow to remove the nodes + test them for cancer. They know they have cancer from the PET scan. I will still have a Port put into my chest... which is how they will now access my veins for chemo instead of having a flippin' uncomfortable IV in my arm. And YES I have someone going with me chicas... I succumb to your pleas of not going anywhere alone again... sounds like my teary post yesterday got to you guys ;) I learned my lesson.

PS. I wore my new ass-kickin' boots

PSS. My grade or rank or cancer title is STAGE 3A [based on tumor size + # of cancerous nodes]

PSSS. I CAN SO DO THIS