Last March- 8 months ago, I had my first Pet Scan click here... I drove myself, cried on the curb, then received messages from my girlfriends to never drive myself or go alone to appointments. I listened. So tomorrow my faithful friend Lisa will be driving me to get my 2nd Pet Scan. #doespetscandeservetobecapitalized? If I need to cry... Lisa will cry with me. If I chatter on about the amazing technology she'll agree. She'll ask questions that I'll forget to ask and she'll probably offer to carry my handbag because it may be too heavy for me to carry post op.
I don't say this often, but I'm actually scared about tomorrow. Not so much about the process... which is uncomfortable but tolerable, but about what the possible bright orange/yellow glowing objects that may appear on the scans. I don't want to see anything but black and white. PLEASE NO COLOR.... I don't want a speck of cancer to be in my body. I WANT IT ALL GONE.
Tonight I read my mastectomy pathology report... I mean read it, not just glanced at it. There is a portion of the report that read as follows: [i'm only going to share a tid bit]
1. Left breast (prophylactic): Received fresh labeled "Colvin, Krista, left breast prophylactic" is a 1116 gram specimen.....
2. Right breast and axillary contents: Received fresh labeled "Colvin, Krista" is a product of a modified radical mastectomy. .....
Holy Shit... my breast tissue was in a tray- labeled with my name. Reading the nitty gritty details made me cry. I hope all the cancer made it from my body to that tray. I hope not a speck was left behind. I hope not a single cell snuck off to make it's home elsewhere in my body.
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE BREAST CANCER A SECOND TIME OR A THIRD TIME. Once is enough for me. Once is enough for my kids. Once is enough for my husband.
So tonight I am scared. I want the scans to be clear. I want to enter radiation knowing it's just something one does to keep cancer from coming back.
I'm ready to see a colorless scan of my body.